Mortal words
It's about time I remarked on the passing of Nitin Bezbaruah Sarangapani.
He was out celebrating his 24th birthday with friends this past Saturday night. Around 1am on Sunday, he spoke with his parents (I assume so they could wish him a happy birthday), and some time after that
he was shot dead by as yet unknown (or at least, unrevealed) assailants.
As of Tuesday night (all time references in this entry are in the Texas time frame), his parents still had not seen his body, the police had only given them a case number, and there was no further answer to "why." The various Assamese mailing lists have been abuzz and distraught with the news all week. His passing is felt, literally, all over the world.
Nitin was a Marine on reserve and very enthusiastic about this "calling." So much so that there were, at times, arguments in cyberspace and not a few harsh words said. He was eager to serve in Iraq, but (as my mother tells it) he never went as his parents feared losing him.
Alas, to lose him right in their hometown, with his entire life ahead of him, to an "enemy" they never knew they had.
I wasn't particularly close to Nitin. In fact there were times I had issues with or questions about him, but that doesn't mean I can't be deeply touched by this tragedy. I think part of it is the nature of the Assamese community in America. We really are a family. We have our rifts, our quarrels, our stupidities, but, it's been proven time and again, that no one fights his demons alone.
I hate being away from the community (particularly the Houston community I grew up with) at times like this. Geeta Auntie's passing was a similarly difficult time for me. To be unable to be with the rest of my "family" while they face this and to be without the rest of my "family" while I face it proved then to be more difficult than I expected. I was able to attend a Naam for Geeta Auntie, but it will likely be two years before I can physically join in my family's grieving for Nitin.
The inability to partake in these rituals is a twofold tragedy for me. First and obviously, I can not join my community in commemorating Nitin's life. Second, these rituals are fading. This was clear already at Geeta Auntie's Naam. A few adults read and sang, but most of the teenagers/young adults sat toward the back and bowed their heads. The words are in the tattered pages of decaying books, which only one or two families possess and must share with the rest of the gathering. The tunes are not written down at all. They are part of the collective memory... but a memory *from* Assam, to which many of my generation will never have access. I recognized several tunes and choruses and was able to join in, but I was the only one my age. I don't even want to think about what will happen when...
We will survive. All the little parts that make us who we are. We must.
And that of course is another reason I am deeply touched by this particular tragedy, especially given Nitin's age. It seems I hear about death more and more these days. Often, with the elderly or frail, it is expected; sometimes, as now, it comes as a shock. But in recent years, it has come "too" often. I realize my parents' generation is aging, which means their parents, their relatives, their older siblings, with whom they have had little or no contact at times, is aging as well (faster even, if they are still in India). And yet I am surprised, unprepared... and scared. Not by death. Death doesn't scare me, it never has, but loss... the loss of love... when all too often important things are left unsaid... that is another matter.
I know it is just another phase of life. As Stefanie has entered that phase when the marriage of her friends or the birth of their first child is no longer surprising, my parents' have entered that phase when the passing of their parents' generation is, sadly, also no longer surprising. But maybe right there in that sentence there is solace, for there are certainly many many more babies in the "family" these days.
And knowing and feeling these things now, being frightened now, that can serve us. We still have plenty of time to preserve and pass on our rituals, to reinforce and emphasize the importance of our ties. As Nitin joined us in life by using a mailing list to connect the Assamese youth, so he can join us in death, if we use the awareness this tragedy gives us to begin the process of connecting Assamese youth with our parents.
*********************************************************************
In lieu of sending flowers, the bereaved family is requesting all well wishers to send cash contributions payable to Nitin Bezbaruah Sarangapani Memorial Fund and mail to 12007 Klein Meadow Dr., Houston, TX 77066. The money collected will be used for charitable cause.
Funeral Services at:
Brookside Funeral Home
3410 FM 1960 West
Houston, Texas 77068
Tel: 281-397-0800
Cemetery:
Klein Memorial Park
FM 2920 Tomball, TX 77377
Friday 9/30/05
6-8 PM Public viewing (Family is requesting well wishers to use the public viewing on Saturday)
Saturday 10/1/05
12 - 1 PM Public viewing
1 - 2 PM Memorial service
2:30 PM Police escorted procession to the cemetery for burial with full military honour
4:30 PM (estimated) Naam Kirtan (Prayer)/Refreshment at Sarangapani's home followed by dinner
He was out celebrating his 24th birthday with friends this past Saturday night. Around 1am on Sunday, he spoke with his parents (I assume so they could wish him a happy birthday), and some time after that
he was shot dead by as yet unknown (or at least, unrevealed) assailants.
As of Tuesday night (all time references in this entry are in the Texas time frame), his parents still had not seen his body, the police had only given them a case number, and there was no further answer to "why." The various Assamese mailing lists have been abuzz and distraught with the news all week. His passing is felt, literally, all over the world.
Nitin was a Marine on reserve and very enthusiastic about this "calling." So much so that there were, at times, arguments in cyberspace and not a few harsh words said. He was eager to serve in Iraq, but (as my mother tells it) he never went as his parents feared losing him.
Alas, to lose him right in their hometown, with his entire life ahead of him, to an "enemy" they never knew they had.
I wasn't particularly close to Nitin. In fact there were times I had issues with or questions about him, but that doesn't mean I can't be deeply touched by this tragedy. I think part of it is the nature of the Assamese community in America. We really are a family. We have our rifts, our quarrels, our stupidities, but, it's been proven time and again, that no one fights his demons alone.
I hate being away from the community (particularly the Houston community I grew up with) at times like this. Geeta Auntie's passing was a similarly difficult time for me. To be unable to be with the rest of my "family" while they face this and to be without the rest of my "family" while I face it proved then to be more difficult than I expected. I was able to attend a Naam for Geeta Auntie, but it will likely be two years before I can physically join in my family's grieving for Nitin.
The inability to partake in these rituals is a twofold tragedy for me. First and obviously, I can not join my community in commemorating Nitin's life. Second, these rituals are fading. This was clear already at Geeta Auntie's Naam. A few adults read and sang, but most of the teenagers/young adults sat toward the back and bowed their heads. The words are in the tattered pages of decaying books, which only one or two families possess and must share with the rest of the gathering. The tunes are not written down at all. They are part of the collective memory... but a memory *from* Assam, to which many of my generation will never have access. I recognized several tunes and choruses and was able to join in, but I was the only one my age. I don't even want to think about what will happen when...
We will survive. All the little parts that make us who we are. We must.
And that of course is another reason I am deeply touched by this particular tragedy, especially given Nitin's age. It seems I hear about death more and more these days. Often, with the elderly or frail, it is expected; sometimes, as now, it comes as a shock. But in recent years, it has come "too" often. I realize my parents' generation is aging, which means their parents, their relatives, their older siblings, with whom they have had little or no contact at times, is aging as well (faster even, if they are still in India). And yet I am surprised, unprepared... and scared. Not by death. Death doesn't scare me, it never has, but loss... the loss of love... when all too often important things are left unsaid... that is another matter.
I know it is just another phase of life. As Stefanie has entered that phase when the marriage of her friends or the birth of their first child is no longer surprising, my parents' have entered that phase when the passing of their parents' generation is, sadly, also no longer surprising. But maybe right there in that sentence there is solace, for there are certainly many many more babies in the "family" these days.
And knowing and feeling these things now, being frightened now, that can serve us. We still have plenty of time to preserve and pass on our rituals, to reinforce and emphasize the importance of our ties. As Nitin joined us in life by using a mailing list to connect the Assamese youth, so he can join us in death, if we use the awareness this tragedy gives us to begin the process of connecting Assamese youth with our parents.
*********************************************************************
In lieu of sending flowers, the bereaved family is requesting all well wishers to send cash contributions payable to Nitin Bezbaruah Sarangapani Memorial Fund and mail to 12007 Klein Meadow Dr., Houston, TX 77066. The money collected will be used for charitable cause.
Funeral Services at:
Brookside Funeral Home
3410 FM 1960 West
Houston, Texas 77068
Tel: 281-397-0800
Cemetery:
Klein Memorial Park
FM 2920 Tomball, TX 77377
Friday 9/30/05
6-8 PM Public viewing (Family is requesting well wishers to use the public viewing on Saturday)
Saturday 10/1/05
12 - 1 PM Public viewing
1 - 2 PM Memorial service
2:30 PM Police escorted procession to the cemetery for burial with full military honour
4:30 PM (estimated) Naam Kirtan (Prayer)/Refreshment at Sarangapani's home followed by dinner
posted by Bibhatsu at 04:48
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home