一人が独りだ
I think I mentioned how I ran into a classmate on the train Saturday who very kindly lent me 1000JPY so I could get home that night. I returned his money today in class, and he casually asked if everything worked out that day. I saw him again later in History class. He sat down next to me and we briefly discussed how terrible the professor was and our experiences in other classes. He mentioned he'd taken a 5-6-7 class last term and hated it.
I countered it with "I took one both terms, while I was taking Intensive, so I was in class from 8:50am to 7:00pm every Friday."
He looked sidelong at me and said, "You hate yourself, don't you?"
Lecture began. As expected, it was terrible. I think part of the "problem" is that the professor feels it necessary to go slowly and define terms every so often for Japanese students. Then again, my classes the last two terms never felt this slow, so maybe it's just the professor. As bad as I am at multi-tasking, today I spent the class reading ahead in the textbook (which isn't great either) while simultaneously taking notes of the lecture. (I was also one of only two people to attempt to answer a question... because if no one does, we have to listen to him "boop boop boop" through the Jeopardy theme song.) Another problem is that he goes off on these really bad, stupid, corny, and unrelated tangents that aren't even good-funny. Only when he says, "No one is laughing," does someone chuckle, just to be polite. I think at one point, during one of these painful rambles, I actually said, loud enough for the acquaintance sitting next to me to hear (though I didn't intend it), "You're killing me." Then the content of the lectures... isn't well-organized. I'm never exactly sure what his point is.
But, as I said, awful as it was, I was taking notes, reading the textbook, wide awake. As opposed to the kid sitting next to me, who was far from the only one dozing.
Why do I do this? Why am I like this? I pile on the work (well, not so much this quarter, but yes the last two). I don't really talk to people (I'm friendly enough when I do, but I don't go out of my way). I don't have much interest in hanging out. Don't get me wrong. It would be nice to have someone to do stuff with, but I still haven't found someone I can count on like that. And I don't expect to. I just seem too... different.
And I feel kind of stuck up. I've had people (like Joy and Stephanie) tell me, after we became friends, that when we first met, they thought I was a snob. Really it's just that I am shy and self-conscious and socially awkward. It's one of the reasons I've always preferred to be a loner and cultivated a cold, distant (and unapproachable) vibe. But nowadays... I really do feel like a snob. And somehow that thought doesn't bother me as much as I think it should. Is that okay?
I countered it with "I took one both terms, while I was taking Intensive, so I was in class from 8:50am to 7:00pm every Friday."
He looked sidelong at me and said, "You hate yourself, don't you?"
Lecture began. As expected, it was terrible. I think part of the "problem" is that the professor feels it necessary to go slowly and define terms every so often for Japanese students. Then again, my classes the last two terms never felt this slow, so maybe it's just the professor. As bad as I am at multi-tasking, today I spent the class reading ahead in the textbook (which isn't great either) while simultaneously taking notes of the lecture. (I was also one of only two people to attempt to answer a question... because if no one does, we have to listen to him "boop boop boop" through the Jeopardy theme song.) Another problem is that he goes off on these really bad, stupid, corny, and unrelated tangents that aren't even good-funny. Only when he says, "No one is laughing," does someone chuckle, just to be polite. I think at one point, during one of these painful rambles, I actually said, loud enough for the acquaintance sitting next to me to hear (though I didn't intend it), "You're killing me." Then the content of the lectures... isn't well-organized. I'm never exactly sure what his point is.
But, as I said, awful as it was, I was taking notes, reading the textbook, wide awake. As opposed to the kid sitting next to me, who was far from the only one dozing.
Why do I do this? Why am I like this? I pile on the work (well, not so much this quarter, but yes the last two). I don't really talk to people (I'm friendly enough when I do, but I don't go out of my way). I don't have much interest in hanging out. Don't get me wrong. It would be nice to have someone to do stuff with, but I still haven't found someone I can count on like that. And I don't expect to. I just seem too... different.
And I feel kind of stuck up. I've had people (like Joy and Stephanie) tell me, after we became friends, that when we first met, they thought I was a snob. Really it's just that I am shy and self-conscious and socially awkward. It's one of the reasons I've always preferred to be a loner and cultivated a cold, distant (and unapproachable) vibe. But nowadays... I really do feel like a snob. And somehow that thought doesn't bother me as much as I think it should. Is that okay?
posted by Bibhatsu at 08:06
2 Comments:
and, and we went on a date to zorba's grill. snobs don't go there.
Aww, but who could *not* approach you, Julia? ^_~
And Ryan, that was only after I thought, "Who's this weirdo kid hanging out in 73?" for weeks. hehe
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