Freak show
First off, Happy Halloween. Hope y'all have fun plans... and if you don't yet, go see The Head Set as The Police at Pianos and take LOTS OF PICTURES for me. ^____^ ありがとう！(I just figured out this week how to type in Japanese on my computer, and I *love* it.)
Today I met Ueda-sensei and her former students/friends from UIUC Nobuko-san and Mariko-san. Though I always feel a little unsure/awkward, being the youngest and most inexperienced and least literate, it was really nice to hang out with and chat with them. I was very interested/upset to learn what Sensei has been experiencing this year at Princeton, but I can't say I'm terribly surprised. Still, she's a very strong and confident woman, so I'm sure she'll be fine, even if it's a pain to deal with. It was interesting to learn that Nobuko-san (though "pure Japanese") and Hayashi-sensei (Ueda-sensei's husband) both rather dislike and can't really handle being in Japan for extended periods of time... though Japan/Japanese is what they study. Even Nobuko-san's language insecurities came up - apparently there are some words or spelling she just doesn't know (whereas Sensei, though a "returnee," does) and she is terrified at the prospect of presenting ("in Japanese?!!") at a workshop while here in Japan. It seems to me that doing such a thing would be necessary/expected for her, but Sensei had quite a time trying to convince her to do it. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, hearing department gossip and academic talk again (though I didn't know anyone they were talking about), complaining about my classes here to them, and getting to see them be themselves around each other (as Nobuko-san and I didn't really get to hang out at all the first time we met and I've never been quite sure of my transition from Ueda-sensei's undergrad to her catsitter to now I don't know what).
While waiting for them (I went super-early because I was terrified of getting lost and/or being late) I first wandered around a bit, scoping out some shopping areas in the hopes of finding likely places for presents for people (geez it's a good thing no one grades my blog-writing). Then I just settled down near the gate where we were supposed to meet. Now, Shinjuku Eki (station) is HUGE, in case you haven't heard, and Shinjuku is the business center of Tokyo, so there are a fair number of foreigners (tourists and businesspeople) wandering around. So I figured 1) foreigners are not such an oddity in Shinjuku and 2) even if one does consider a foreigner an oddity, Shinjuku is not the place to act on this reaction (as they freely do in Harajuku).
Boy, was I wrong.
I definitely caught at least THREE people STARING at me as they walked past. I mean like, they're walking along, minding their own business, eyes lazily scanning their surroundings in that typical Japanese-avoide eye contact-"I'm in my own space, and I don't mean to invade yours" way. Their eyes pass over me at first, but then! Their brain registers "whoa! that's one CRAZY-looking gaijin!" and then something clicks (to the extent that it's actually *visible* on their faces) and their eyes are locked onto my face for THE ENTIRE TIME IT TAKES TO PASS ME, which, when someone is staring at you so earnestly, feels like an ETERNITY.
And I get *so flustered* because I have no idea how I should react here. In America, if it's a scary-looking person (particularly a man who looks like he's just itching to say obscene things to any poor victim) I pretend I don't notice, otherwise I stare back and challenge them to keep on. But here... it's incredibly violating, somehow even more disturbing than in the States. I feel like a circus freak or something, and because I don't want to seem like any more of a freak, I *do nothing about it.* I just stand there and take it, because the normal etiquette is to not intrude on anyone else's psychological space, even though my own is being raped. ARRRRRGH!
I told Ueda-sensei & co. about this (though in more amused tones) and they were annoyed... also they were unsurprised that the perpetrators were middle-aged men. She knew she was stereotyping, but she said they're the same everywhere. I understand her main point is that many middle-aged men (perhaps particularly in Japan) have some sort of established social position (at least they think they do) that allows them to do this "kind" of thing, by which I mean victimizing some other, often in order to reaffirm their own status (which I think also has a lot to do with her various struggles in academia). Still, it's one thing to be looked at as a sexual object. I'm used to that. I can deal with that (most of the time). But... even growing up in white Humble, I don't think I've *ever* felt like a freak of nature before. It's really not cool.
I was really happy to hear Ueda-sensei firmly, angrily tell me not let "them" get away with it (even the stuff that happens in class).
*IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE*
Today I met Ueda-sensei and her former students/friends from UIUC Nobuko-san and Mariko-san. Though I always feel a little unsure/awkward, being the youngest and most inexperienced and least literate, it was really nice to hang out with and chat with them. I was very interested/upset to learn what Sensei has been experiencing this year at Princeton, but I can't say I'm terribly surprised. Still, she's a very strong and confident woman, so I'm sure she'll be fine, even if it's a pain to deal with. It was interesting to learn that Nobuko-san (though "pure Japanese") and Hayashi-sensei (Ueda-sensei's husband) both rather dislike and can't really handle being in Japan for extended periods of time... though Japan/Japanese is what they study. Even Nobuko-san's language insecurities came up - apparently there are some words or spelling she just doesn't know (whereas Sensei, though a "returnee," does) and she is terrified at the prospect of presenting ("in Japanese?!!") at a workshop while here in Japan. It seems to me that doing such a thing would be necessary/expected for her, but Sensei had quite a time trying to convince her to do it. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, hearing department gossip and academic talk again (though I didn't know anyone they were talking about), complaining about my classes here to them, and getting to see them be themselves around each other (as Nobuko-san and I didn't really get to hang out at all the first time we met and I've never been quite sure of my transition from Ueda-sensei's undergrad to her catsitter to now I don't know what).
While waiting for them (I went super-early because I was terrified of getting lost and/or being late) I first wandered around a bit, scoping out some shopping areas in the hopes of finding likely places for presents for people (geez it's a good thing no one grades my blog-writing). Then I just settled down near the gate where we were supposed to meet. Now, Shinjuku Eki (station) is HUGE, in case you haven't heard, and Shinjuku is the business center of Tokyo, so there are a fair number of foreigners (tourists and businesspeople) wandering around. So I figured 1) foreigners are not such an oddity in Shinjuku and 2) even if one does consider a foreigner an oddity, Shinjuku is not the place to act on this reaction (as they freely do in Harajuku).
Boy, was I wrong.
I definitely caught at least THREE people STARING at me as they walked past. I mean like, they're walking along, minding their own business, eyes lazily scanning their surroundings in that typical Japanese-avoide eye contact-"I'm in my own space, and I don't mean to invade yours" way. Their eyes pass over me at first, but then! Their brain registers "whoa! that's one CRAZY-looking gaijin!" and then something clicks (to the extent that it's actually *visible* on their faces) and their eyes are locked onto my face for THE ENTIRE TIME IT TAKES TO PASS ME, which, when someone is staring at you so earnestly, feels like an ETERNITY.
And I get *so flustered* because I have no idea how I should react here. In America, if it's a scary-looking person (particularly a man who looks like he's just itching to say obscene things to any poor victim) I pretend I don't notice, otherwise I stare back and challenge them to keep on. But here... it's incredibly violating, somehow even more disturbing than in the States. I feel like a circus freak or something, and because I don't want to seem like any more of a freak, I *do nothing about it.* I just stand there and take it, because the normal etiquette is to not intrude on anyone else's psychological space, even though my own is being raped. ARRRRRGH!
I told Ueda-sensei & co. about this (though in more amused tones) and they were annoyed... also they were unsurprised that the perpetrators were middle-aged men. She knew she was stereotyping, but she said they're the same everywhere. I understand her main point is that many middle-aged men (perhaps particularly in Japan) have some sort of established social position (at least they think they do) that allows them to do this "kind" of thing, by which I mean victimizing some other, often in order to reaffirm their own status (which I think also has a lot to do with her various struggles in academia). Still, it's one thing to be looked at as a sexual object. I'm used to that. I can deal with that (most of the time). But... even growing up in white Humble, I don't think I've *ever* felt like a freak of nature before. It's really not cool.
I was really happy to hear Ueda-sensei firmly, angrily tell me not let "them" get away with it (even the stuff that happens in class).
*IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE*
posted by Bibhatsu at 07:32
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