Beauty

Winter in Tokyo is a wonder. After growing up in Texas, where Christmas the last few years has been balmy enough for ultimate frisbee, and four years in New Jersey, where I came to appreciate the spring palette after months of grey grey grey... well this is completely different. It hasn't snowed yet (maybe it won't), but it's quite cold - I assume both are due in large part to there being little to no cloud cover. Which means that every day is beautiful. The days are short, yes, but they're filled with sunshine and blue skies (powerful *cold* wind too), and who can succumb to winter depression in an atmosphere like this?

Today I went out east for Comic Market (Comiketto) 69 at Tokyo Big Sight near Odaiba. I thought the area was fantastic when I went with my sister in the evening, but in the winter daylight the water is so blue, and the air so clear, and the skyscrapers reflect the wonder of man - Tokyo looks like a crystal city. I guess I *really* went out there for the Comic Convention, but when it came down to it, I wanted more to stand on the footbridges and gaze at the skyline than wander an (albeit fanTAStic) exhibition hall with 500000+ people in search of *stuff.* (Sorry I don't have pictures. You should really just see it for yourself.)

I didn't buy anything at Comic Market, just look. It was free to go in and look (at least, I hope it was, because I never paid) and good god, what a collection. Interestingly, most of the crowd today seemed to be female. I'm not sure if that indicated that the otaku demographic is changing (everything I've read in the past about these conventions seemed to indicate that most patrons were male), or just that females are more into doujinshi (also most of the tables seemed to be attended by women, often middle-aged). Either case is interesting to wonder about.

I'm not sure exactly why I didn't buy anything. Maybe it was because I wasn't familiar with most of the work represented there or any of the individual artists. It certainly wasn't a lack of quality. In fact, maybe it was that there was *so much* of it. Is it suddenly not special to me anymore when I see that *anyone* can do it? Anyone can publish it? Anyone can sell it? Because there were plenty of people there buying. Or maybe it's that I'm outgrowing it as a fan... which I'm a little saddened to suggest. If that's the case, I'm probably screwed for the future.

One last thing about Comiketto. I'm not unfamiliar with yaoi or shonen-ai, but obviously it's a lot harder to come by (in stores) in the States. Reading a little of the (not-so-abundant) English literature available on manga (often in the form of culture-shockers or op-eds), plenty of (to generalize) Westerners remark on pornographic manga, victimized/objectified women, fetishized school girls blah blah blah. Not that any of that should be neglected of course. But does anyone approach yaoi from this perspective? From my limited knowledge, yaoi is just seen as a "foreign" phenomenon - strange and weird and upsetting to puritanical (homophobic) tastes perhaps but not insulting - but why should men be any less outraged (if outrage is the proper term for it)? And if there is after all no cause for outrage in yaoi, perhaps "Westerners" could afford to take a second look at the manga they find so objectionable. Maybe sometimes we take our liberation so seriously that we victimize ourselves.

I watched American Beauty while eating dinner today. Two days ago it was The Crow. I hadn't watched either in a while, and I'm glad I brought them to Tokyo with me, especially the latter. The Crow maybe not be as *good* as American Beauty, but it's very special to me personally. I think I'd forgotten how much so, after years of trying to watch it *with* people who of course could never love it the way I do. I *needed* to watch it alone again. Maybe I'll only watch it alone from now on.
Tomorrow what should it be? Blade Runner? Sin City?

Happy Christmas!

I fell asleep about 9pm last night (my schedule's all messed up) and was startled awake at 11pm by my sister via Skype. Right on time. (I was surprised actually, as my sister had still been awake at 4am Texas time... meaning she didn't sleep at all last night.) I was a little too grumpy maybe, considering that I'd been expecting the call. Guess I hadn't realized how tired I was. Anyway, so as to let me go back to sleep as soon as possible, they opened their presents from me first.

My dad's I ordered and sent via American Amazon. I hope he likes it. I figure it's got a little of everything he likes - action, adventure, lovable characters, heartwarming scenes, wholesome values... *crossing fingers*
My mom's I bought at that kimono store in Harajuku. It was just a swath of dark blue silk with white and lavendar silhouettes of butterflies on it... That is, it was until I stitched the sides together into a scarf. Yappa! Anyway, my sister and I figured it was a serious enough colour and nice enough fabric that she can use it to accessorize at the office even.
Ba had told me about how she and Jonathan are collecting dishes off which to eat their dumplings and sushi. So while in Tsukiji, we picked up four sauce dishes for the two of them. I'd wanted to get Jonathan something Engrish (or fugu even), but we just didn't have time.
And I had no formal present for my sister. :-( (No matter what she says, having her here with me was not a present to her.) I'll have to send her something super-cool for her birthday I guess.
My sister and I bought exotic/gourmet-looking treats for Tigger at that kitty store in Odaiba - lobster, shrimp, and whole fish whose name I did not recognize but they looked exciting so we went for it. While voicechatting with the family last night, they fed Tigger some of the lobster and informed me that he was continuing to "lick his chops" afterward. So I guess the treats were a success. Really, I shouldn't have had doubts. I mean, if anyone is gonna do fish right (for cats even) it would be the Japanese, right? My sister then tried to convince Tigger to purr into the mic. It didn't work, but it was cute of her to try. ^_^

Last but not least I opened my present. Who's a happy camper today? Let me tell you, The Head Set's new song sounds so much better with bass! (Yes, that's the first thing I played on it. And yes, setting up the SoundDock was the first thing I did when I woke up.)

My family really spoils me. I'm kinda glad I wasn't there for Christmas this year, because there's normally such a pile of presents that I feel guilty. (I think it's an extension of my being "the baby" of the family.) Even the SoundDock feels like too much, considering how well they fed and treated me over Fall Break. But this year it's my sister and Jonathan's turn (I hope)! *evil laugh*

Oh! I almost forgot to show you all how glorious the newest addition to my Apple accessory family looks in the morning light.

Primo's Requiem at Acid Tokyo

As I've mentioned several times by now in my previous posts, "my band" had a gig in Shinjuku Friday evening. This was not incredibly well-planned out. Tuesday in class Chris got a message that we could do it, and we had to be there by 4 on Friday. I found this rather inconvenient and inconsiderate of Chris, as he hadn't really consulted any of us before trying to arrange the gig, especially since he knew my sister was in town. And on top of that, we don't really have enough music for a proper set or rather, two of the songs he and Stu put in the set were not "ready" (not that I really consider any of our songs "ready," but I don't really share this opinion with the rest of the band) - one had no lyrics and one I can't sing because the lyrics are written in such a way that makes it boring/annoying for me to sing and I haven't yet figured out how to "fix" it.
But anyway.

So Wednesday night after Ba and I returned from Kamakura, Hideto brought the MD we'd recorded of ourselves over. Thursday night while falling asleep I tried to listen to it. Friday morning before taking my sister out to Chofu Eki to catch a bus to the airport, I wrote lyrics. (Actually, considering this band's "style" of music and the fact that I write lyrics for them in about 20 minutes and only when under pressure, I didn't think they were half-bad.) So, after dropping my sister off, I took the bus straight up to campus, where I met the others for rehearsal. They seemed happy with the lyrics I'd written that morning, or at least said they liked the rhythm I used for the chorus. I headed home to change and grab my bike, and we all met at the train station. At Shinjuku we met Issei, the guy with whom Chris had arranged for us to get this gig. Issei's band was also performing that night. Issei was a show himself that night, in varying degrees of drunken, drugged-up nakedness. Issei had some critical comments to make about our band. Issei is now no longer on Stu's good side.

The club (Acid Tokyo, or something like that) was a small kind of cool place in 2-chome (apparently the gay area of Shinjuku, which amused Chris and Stu to no end) with black-and-white checkered walls and unfortunate light fixtures that reminded me too much of female genitalia. Everyone was older than us; the other bands were more blues-ey; the sound system made Stu's cheap guitar sound twangy and my voice "too clear." I wasn't really into it, what with the unenthusiastic crowd and my frustration and dissatisfaction with the situation in general, except during certain parts of certain songs, and I think Issei could tell. The whole thing just seemed ridiculous to me... but only to me. Afterward Chris, Stu, and Hideto were all thrilled and thought we were awesome. *shrugs*

We stood outside for a while passing around a bottle of wine, the three of them dreaming their big rock star dreams, and Stu's girlfriend took pictures of us. Chris thought the mirrored walls would make great publicity shots. (Are you laughing too?) In NONE of the pictures she took is Hideto at all serious. In fact, the person who *really* tries to be serious and cool is Chris. Poor Chris. Anyway, of our "group shots" the following is my favourite because it really captures Hideto and Stu's relationship (and I love the face Hideto is making).


We stayed the whole night to see not only Issei's band but also specifically the last band (because their guitarist liked us, and Stu and Chris thought it would be good for our band to rub elbows with him). And then Stu, Chris, Phil, and Nic/Nik (Stu's girlfriend) headed home. Though Hideto and I were tired, we stayed for the uchiage - largely I think because it was the polite (i.e. proper Japanese) thing to do (funny how such etiquette still applies in the anti-establishment world of Japanese rock and roll). Of course, staying for that meant we had to stay out all night, as the trains stop running about midnight and don't start again 'til 5. So Hideto and I tagged along with Issei all night. In a way it was good. I tried to discuss with Hideto certain things I felt needed to be discussed (like how Chris and Stu don't understand or even seem to try to understand his Japanese way of communication, and so he needs to try to be more direct). And Issei of course had a lot of things to say (apparently, just before Stu left, he'd pulled Stu aside and told him that he hadn't been playing in time with the rest of us... or something to that effect, which is why Stu doesn't like Issei anymore and has apparently been mentioning this exchange to everyone repeatedly since it happened. And yes, it may have been a stupid/mean thing for Issei to say right at that time but 1) Stu needs to learn to grow up and take criticism especially 2) if he claims to be serious about his music, and 3) since Issei was so absolutely wasted, there's really no point in getting riled about it).

I finally got home about 6:30/7am Saturday morning and proceeded to rant and whine to Brett on Skype for another hour or two. Went to bed at 9am and haven't really left since. Stu stopped by to use my computer yesterday (and while he was here he *surprise surprise* mentioned the exchange with Issei). Phil stopped by in the evening and invited me to his apartment today for a Christmas party with his friends Charlie and Arron from Leeds. It's very sweet of him, and I hope he's not offended if I don't go, but I'm just socially exhausted. Sad thing is it has nothing to do with him. Yeah, another bad thing about the band is that I spend even less time with Phil now than I did before. Also, I think he probably invited me because I get the impression this holiday is important to him and he wouldn't like to spend it alone so doesn't want to see me spend it alone either. It's not that it isn't important to me, but... I just feel so removed from the Christmas atmosphere I'm used to (Seeb and Jonathan, lots of Assamese food, assorted familial silliness) that I don't particularly miss it. And on top of that, if holidays are for family and loved ones, I would rather spend it alone thinking about and loving my friends and family than with people to whom I am not particularly close. And so I'm spending my Christmas day updating my blog and completing New Year's cards, and will Skype with my family while they open presents Christmas morning (which should be about midnight my time), which ought to be cute and amusing. (And my parents very sweetly sent me a big package, which has been sitting here taunting me for the past few days, so I am quite curious to open it.)

Happy Christmas.

Tsukiji, Ueno, Kabuki-za

Hideto told us to get the best sushi we had to go to the fish market (Tsukiji) early in the morning and get the fish fresh as it came in. Well we didn't wake up quite early enough for that, but we got there just as the stalls were starting to close down. The amount and array of fish was astounding, and after much back-and-forth, we finally chose a place to sit down at the sushi bar and eat to our heart's content (which was much less for me than for my sister; I don't know *where* she fits all that food - and I thought *I* had a good appetite). We had oh-toro, chuu-toro, nama-hotate, hirame, unagi, aoyagi, aji, and salmon (and green tea and miso soup). Everything was exquisite - beautiful to look at, with such delicate and diverse textures (the hotate just *melted* in the mouth), and of course the most delicious sushi I had ever had. And after all that, for the two of us, it was only about 2900JPY (~$28). Ba would have stayed there all day, but I was stuffed, and she'd expressed an interest in seeing the National Museum at Ueno Park.


By the time we got there however, it was only half an hour before the museum closed, so we decided against it. It just means she'll have to come back again. ^_^ The park was really nice though, especially as the sun set, and there was even a light up menagerie. (I had to take pictures of the monkeys for Brett.)




From there we headed back south again in order to catch an act of a Kabuki play at the Kabuki-za in Ginza. Yup, they sell tickets for individual acts an hour before it starts. (We didn't know until we ran into Mio, from ICU, on the bus one afternoon. Thank you, Mio!) For me, as a student, this particular act was only 800JPY (but they didn't seem to get more expensive than 1000JPY). It was a really cool experience. I mean, first of all the Kabuki-za is this crazy, grand, "Japanese-looking" building in the midst of office buildings and fancy-schmancy stores. And second of all, here *I* was. With my sister. Watching Kabuki. In Tokyo. For only $8!!
The act we caught involved a member of the (gee, they're everywhere) Genji clan, his advisor (who had the bigger role), his lover, and the ghost of his defeated enemy (the latter two of which were played by one onnagata). It was really interesting from the perspective of method - from the actors' sytlized speech and behaviour, to how even the musicians' (who sit on stage) movements are "choreographed." I also recognized some of the aesthetic as having been translated (directly or indirectly) into much anime.

My sister and I then headed home. She (very kindly) made dinner for us both, while I tried to figure out how to get her to the airport the next day while listening to recordings of the music Primo's Requiem was to perform the next night.

Kamakura

So I'd asked my teachers to excuse me from class Wednesday and Thursday so that I could spend time with my sister. I felt a little bad about skipping out on them, but not *too* bad as I generally don't miss class unless I have a "real" reason... which means I don't have to lie about it when I do miss, which is good because I don't like to lie. But anyway, I felt my sister visiting was a "real" reason, and I think/hope they agreed to some extent. It was a good thing I didn't go to class though, because the weather Wednesday (if a little cold) was absolutely beautiful for a day in Kamakura (a beach town with 65 Buddhist temples and 19 Shinto shrines not too far from Tokyo). Unfortunately, we didn't get as early a start as we wanted, but we still had a great day.



The sky and water were glorious, and the wind was so strong that the birds (including several birds of prey) were floating in mid-air. We ate our convenience store lunches (my sister quickly learned to appreciate onigiri and conbini maki) in a park near the shore, then trekked off to find some temples and shrines and maybe even a giant statue of buddha.

The first place we stopped was Hasedera Temple, home to the 11-faced Kannon standing 12 feet tall. Of course I wasn't allowed to take pictures of Kannon, but there was a great view from the bathroom near the entrance.


Tell me that isn't beautifully, stereotypically Japonesque? I bet it was even more amazing at the height of Autumn. (And that was just the view from the bathroom.) On our way up to the main building (where Kannon is), we also passed this little shrine/minor temple/area? (I really don't understand these Buddhist temples - if Buddhism has no actual "deity" who are these statues to whom people pray? Saints? *confused*) housing a ---- who looks after deceased children... or something. Each of these little statues were erected in memory of a lost child (passed away, aborted, etc).


At the top was the Kannon, which was of course very impressive, but I'm not going to bother describing it. Just go to Kamakura yourself. As it was at the top of the hill, there was a nice view of the town as well (the light wasn't very good for pictures, sorry). The coolest part however (besides the whole atmosphere and setting, which is pleasant and calm but not in an untouchable sense, especially since there was a little tomboy tumbling all over herself while running around the complex) was this cave nearby, where more ---- were carved into the walls and little altars for candles were set before them.

As "traditionally Japanese" and "ancient" as it might have seemed to my foreign tourist sensibilities, it was still clearly a place of daily significance in many locals' lives. During our time there, we watched a couple seated before Kannon while the priest read Sutras at their request. We then saw them visit the Deceased-Children's-Protector. And in the caves, a punk kid with wildly dyed hair and ripped clothing came in and quietly lit a candle before one of the images. It's no different from visiting temples in India or Cathedrals in Europe. In all cases I feel like such an intruder. And yet... if you're religious, religion (specifically, your faith) is part of the nitty-gritty of your everyday life, right? So I'm coming to understand that my being there as a tourist may not be good, but it certainly isn't bad.



From Hasedera (incidentally we spent quite a bit of time there, and it was only 300 well-spent yen for entry) we headed a bit north to see the Daibutsu, a very imposing figure nestled in the trees. There was quite a crowd to see the Daibutsu, including what seemed like Japanese school groups, and we were able to view the interior for only 20JPY, which no *person* was collecting (there was just an open box sitting on a stand near the entrance with piles of coins out in the open). Before leaving I bought a "safe traffic" charm for Joy. Hopefully she'll pick it up from my parents house over the holidays.


After leaving the Daibutsu, we tried to follow all the maps we had access to (from the one in our guidebook to the map near the entrance to see the Daibutsu to various maps along the roads and paved *into* the roads) in order to reach the nearest Shinto shrine. Needless to say we never found it, and the sun was setting anyway, so there was really no point in pursuing it further. Near the train station, we stopped at another little temple (squeezed between the post office and some other office building) to which expectant parents go to pray for a safe labor and gave a shout-out for Jumi Ba (due in March). I didn't know then that Devi Ba was also expecting (also due in March), but in my mind I'm giving her a shout-out at Daimyoji too.


We checked a map at the station again for nearby shrines - I really wanted to see the family shrine of the Genji - but it was too far and already too dark. So we aimed down a nearby street in search of dinner and found this cool little place. Though we were at first alarmed by the number of pictures of gaijin outside the place (apparently the Miss International entrees, I mean entries, of some year or other had been entertained there) it was clearly a local haunt with a regular crowd, as we determined from everyone else's behaviour and conversation. My sister had sashimi (having been reprimanded by Jonathan the night before for not eating more sushi) and I had tempura. The tempura here is *so* good. I think I'd had vegetable tempura in the States before and not been all that impressed, but every tempura-ized vegetable I've had here has been delicious.

Speaking of delicious, one of the highlights of the day was a little chocolate shop on the main road. I'd stopped in on our way to Daimyoji and after much debate (as is typical of me) bought and ate a chocolate. After dinner, my sister, craving dessert, led us back there. The shopkeeper laughed to see us come in again, and after my sister finally chose her piece, we were also given a free O-make (present). I guess she (the shopkeeper) thought we were cute. Random acts of kindness are always so surprising and heart-warming.

Odaiba

So Ba's labmate Hiroshi had told her about a good train ride to Odaiba and some nice restaurants overlooking the water. The first thing we did there was happen upon this kitty store, where we bought Christmas presents for Tigger - consisting of several exciting varieties of seafood.

We then headed toward the water and ended up on a boardwalk-type-thing running alongside rather large shopping complexes. It was quite nice, though also quite cold. The view was really very pretty - with Rainbow Bridge all lit up and pleasure boats on the water, and especially with the additional festive, seasonal lights. However, it seemed a much deader area of the city than anyplace else we'd been. Perhaps sprucing up Odaiba is the city's attempt to redistribute some of the pleasure-seeking public. Doesn't seem to be working too well though, as most everyone else we saw there were old or couple-y (felt very weird for me, as you rarely see people behaving couple-y in Tokyo). But as Decks (one of the huge department store complexes there) was having a tenth anniversary or something, at least it made for some good photo ops.

We mostly just enjoyed the view and atmosphere, had dinner of soba and tempura in a restaurant in Aquacity (another of the deparment stores) where we also had our first Ramune (*very* enjoyable; if all soft drinks were as fun to drink, I might start drinking soda again) and amused ourselves with our surroundings. (Yes, that is a replica of the Statue of Liberty behind the pink Christmas tree in the picture below.) My sister astutely observed that "Tokyo is so weird in the ways it is weird."

The Fuji Television headquarters are also right there in a very cool-looking building with a great, metal sphere at the top. We wanted very much to get in and see the view from there, but it seemed closed until January (a recurring theme for Ba's visit). We did at least get to ride the Meiji Chocolate Escalator, which was bright and shiney and played Meiji Chocolate commercials on flat-screen tvs during our trip down. Ba said it reminded her of some weird part of Chicago's O'Hare Airport; I thought it was reminiscent of amusement parks a la Disneyland, which is maybe the point.


*I didn't have my proper camera with me, and Ba was running out of space on hers, so these cell phone photos are the only ones of Odaiba I have. Sorry.

No plans for the weekend (and boy does it feel good)

Basically since I arrived back in Japan, I've been running around nonstop - classes starting, Melody Union Live, my sister's visit, a gig in Shinjuku... Yeah, that's right. "Primo's Requiem" had a gig in Shinjuku last night. I'll get to that eventually, but since there's so much stuff to tell from the past week alone, I'll break it up into multiple entries.

To situate it, I begin here:
My sister arrived Sunday, 18 December. I went by train to meet her at the airport - changing first at Shinjuku and then at Nippori. It took 2.5 hrs and cost half the price of the Airport Bus. Wish I'd know about this train route when I was going and returning for Fall Break, as I had only one bag then and it would have been perfectly reasonable (and much cheaper). Her flight arrived and hour late, which was sort of good for me, since I ended up getting there much later than I'd wanted. We took the Airport Bus all the way to Kichijoji and from there a taxi to my apartment. (She had a fair amount of luggage, which is understandable when globe-trotting the way she's been doing, so I thought taking trains was out of the question.)



After she cleaned up a bit and gave me my Christmas present, we headed out to Harajuku. I was hoping we'd be able to see some crazy-dressed kids and also the Meiji Shrine. The first objective was accomplished (it was actually the most crowded I'd ever seen it), but we unfortunately, after wandering around Takeshita Dori and getting crepes, didn't actually make it to the Shrine before it closed. We then met Chris, Stu, Stu's girlfriend Nic, Hideto, and some other random people that Chris knows for Chris's birthday dinner in Shinjuku. My sister quite enjoyed the Nice Izakaya (as opposed to 一休) experience (no, I never took her to 一休), and though it was a rather awkward mix of people, there was some interesting conversation... such as Hideto asking my sister what she thought about me and her saying "Well, I'm her sister, shouldn't you tell me what *you* think of her?" and him replying that I seem like someone who likes to have (deep) discussions. Not clear to me whether he likes or dislikes this about me. I was also told I was "spicy" in someone's effort to explain why it was hard to believe I was a "good girl" growing up. It had something to do with me looking like someone who goes "Hmm, that's interesting. I think I'll try." Yeah, I don't know either, but, no surprise, it was again assumed that I was the older one. :-( As my sister and I had to use the buses (which we were told stop running around 10/11pm) to get home, we left before anyone else.

The next day I went to morning classes, came back at lunch, took her grocery shopping with me, and then sent her off to explore while I studied for my test. Tuesday morning she went into campus with me to see the Taizanso and maybe the museum and to exchange money, then went from there to explore Shinjuku and Harajuku, where we met up in the afternoon. In Harajuku, we stopped in a Kimono store she'd happened upon the day before, where I bought some cloth, after much debate and asking for advice (I was able to discuss, to some extent, what I was looking for with the shop-person in Japanese, which was exciting on one hand, but frustrating on the other because I don't really have the vocabulary to be discussing things like silk and cloth). We then headed out to Odaiba.

Little Miss Fickle

The title of this post comes from the Mr. Men and Little Miss book (which incidentally came up in Japanese class the other day) I remember best from my childhood. I don't know why I remember reading Miss Fickle in particular so much. Did I identify with her or has she just influenced me because I did read her so much?

The point is that, after Dr. Susan Napier's guest lecture Friday, I have changed my mind and am once again leaning toward grad school (as opposed to art school) post-ITO Fellowship (especially given the stellar non-progress I have been making on my portfolio). She was really interesting of course and I came home with my head full of half-formulated thoughts... which Brett tried to help me hammer out at 4 this morning. Unfortunately, though I remember him asking a lot of good questions and making me think, I must not have been *that* awake, because I barely remember it. :-( Gosh darn this time difference.

The biggest problem now, I think, is that I'm beginning to formulate a question to ask in grad school. Now what question do I ask for my fellowship? I need to decide by the end of winter break, because I hope to use the final paper in my Japan Studies class to start developing my first report to the ITO Foundation. I should email Professor Bourdaghs about ideas over break and get feedback.

Speaking of which, things are situated very nicely for me right now I think. I just need to get over myself and take advantage of them. Susan Napier is in Tokyo 'til/through June, and she gave me her card (and it would look darn good for me when applying to schools to have been consulting/in contact with her). Michael Arnold (the other ITO Fellow) has said he has suggestions for schools and programs. Matt Thorn is currently (still) working on a doctoral thesis on Shoujo Manga to submit to Columbia University, where I plan to apply (among other places).

But right now, I need to do homework and clean my apartment, because my sister arrives tomorrow. ^_^

Shtuff

Yesterday was the Melody Union Live. We (Primo's Requiem) intended to play four songs (two At the Drive-in songs and two originals), but as the whole program was running a bit late, we were asked to drop one (so we played only one original).

There's no way I can really explain in words what these Lives are like... at least for someone with at least as much concert-going experience as I (which isn't much). The facts? There are about 20/30-some independent musicians in Melody Union. When they start planning a "Live," someone says "I want to cover ------" and his/her friends jump on the bandwagon (bad pun), practice seriously for a month or so, then "perform" at the Live. Generally, the performances consist of 1) imitating the covered band *exactly* - from clothing to hair and sometimes even mannerisms 2) technical excellence but very little rocking out (particularly by the girls who, especially if they're singing, tend to look lost and embarrassed 3) breaks and talking between each song, usually including "Thank you very much. Please ----" 4) a small audience sitting on the floor. Every Live I've been to, there's also been one or two groups who, as part of the imitation act, rock out. In the past these groups have covered bands such as Rage Against the Machine and System of a Down. Often when these guys come on, (a few) other Melody Union members will come out of nowhere and stand in front, moving (a little) and singing along. Don't get me wrong. People are having fun... I think, but... it's, well, pretty "foreign" to me.

Anyway, so we were obviously quite different. Except for Chris, who wanted to wear a kilt and tie, we basically went on in our street clothes. And, clearly, as I'm a girl and definitely sound like a girl (if a strange one) when singing, there was no way we were going to sound exactly like At the Drive-in. Plus, as far as I know, there was only one other group performing originals that night. Stu, unfortunately, managed to break a string the night before. He was able to buy new ones yesterday before the Live, but obviously it wasn't going to stay in tune, and on top of that, it was super-heavy and therefore felt different to play. Meanwhile, I was rather cold, and though I kept my throat wrapped, it didn't seem to help that much because, for the first time in our playing of that set, my voice cracked during the At the Drive-in songs. *shrugs* Hopefully it seemed like it was just for effect. Everyone messed up at some point. Quite a bit, if you ask me, certainly compared to the other groups, but that wasn't the only way we were different. We walked on, plugged in, played two songs through, paused so Chris could say "Thank you. We're Primo's Requiem. This is our last song," played the last song, unplugged and walked off. We also moved onstage... or at least I did. My eyes were closed most of the time, so I didn't really see what Chris and Stu were doing, but I think they said afterward that they moved (though none of us as much as in rehearsal, since the audience was just sitting there staring at us). And I - standing with my feet apart, singing/screaming *up* into the mic and with my eyes closed most of the time, and wearing my usual heavy black-eyeliner (which Hideto said emphasized my eyes such that I must be able to "attack men" with them) - may have come off as a bit scary. There was stupid reverb on me, which they hadn't done in soundcheck, and by the time we finished the set, Stu's new string had dropped from an E to a C.
Ah well. Good and bad, it was fun, though I can't really remember how it *felt* to do it. I guess it was sort of an out-of-body experience... and over so fast. Afterward, the other students told us it was かっこよっかた [kakkoyokatta - past form of kakkoii] (cool), but I never know what a Japanese person is really thinking or means when he/she says something, so I don't really trust anything we were told.

We went to the uchiage/nomikai afterward. Not only is such a party a "party," but it's also something of an obligation. Being members of the club (though marginally so, as we mainly just want to use their rehearsal space for only 2000JPY a month), we sort of have to go to rub elbows and build relationships... even though most everyone avoids us - a fact that occupied my mind pretty much all night: Japanese-gaijin relations and related "problems." For that reason I probably wasn't very fun company last night (as I was trying to have "deep conversations" with tired drunks) but you know. I can't help but think sometimes.

Today I was pretty exhausted, having woken up at about 6 every day for the past week, and I needed to go to Mitaka to pay my tuition (banking hours being 9-3 i.e. during class), so I didn't go to class at all. It was really nice to be able to sleep in a little and have some time to myself. I guess I'm a little socially exhausted as well. Besides waking up early, I have class all day long and, since I got back, had rehearsal almost every day with Chris, Stu, and Hideto. Don't get me wrong, I like the kids, but... as last night made all too clear, there's still no one with whom I really connect.

Congratulations 6b

As the original groupie, I'm bursting with pride.

An action-packed weekend

Friday, as I was writing that last post, Chris and Stu were begging me to go meet them in Shinjuku. They were pretty persistent, so I finally did, even though I was still on a high from class and wanted to do the reading. I got there about 8:20; we were supposed to meet at 8:30; they showed up at 8:40, and humbly expressed their apologies for making me wait in the cold. We (Chris's friend Tomoko too) went to *surprise surprise* 一休, as it was the 9th of the month (half-price on the 9th, 19th, and 29th days of ever month... I think it's a pun - 9 being [kyuu] and 一休 being [ikkyuu]), and ordered food and drinks. I think (I'm just guessing) my presence was so deeply desired by Stu so that he wouldn't be a third wheel and by Chris so that he wouldn't have to share too much of Tomoko's attention with Stu. But in the end, Stu sat across from Tomoko and I from Chris, and, as if that weren't enough, I think Tomoko was the one feeling bored or left out in the end, as Stu and Chris seemed most interested in discussing the band with me.
The band, by the way, is called プリモのレクイエム [purimo no rekuiemu] (Primo's Requiem). *sigh*

Anyway, the best or at least most interesting part of the night was the train ride home. When we left 一休, it was near time for the last trains, so we headed on home. I guess everyone else in the city had the same idea, because that was my first time crushed between so many bodies like that. It's a good thing I didn't have eyes in the back of my head, or I think I would have been a little freaked out. As it was, in the beginning I was pressed up against this South Asian-looking stranger and a handlebar (dug into the bone, kinda hurt) - don't know who was pushing me into them (everyone in the train, it felt like), as I couldn't really look around. I eventually managed to maneuver myself between the South Asian guy and Stu, which was a little more psychologically comfortable. Stu, slightly inebriated, and being his usual half-serious "Yorkshire is the center of the universe" self, spoke loudly and at length the whole ride home. The South Asian guy was trying very hard (and failing) not to laugh. It was a bit embarrassing but 1) I didn't see any point in making a scene trying to get Stu to shut up, 2) Stu wasn't hurting anyone and therefore it didn't seem right to stop him from being himself, and 3) I figured if nothing else, everyone else on the train was having an out-of-the-ordinary commute home about which to tell their families and coworkers. In the crush I missed my stop, but managed to get out when Stu and Chris did and catch the train back East. No problem.

Saturday was the ITO Foundation party. I put on the dress I'd sewn over break, grey tights, boots, new earrings, and my new coat and headed out. I just want to say again how *awesome* it is that the dress has pockets. I took the bus to Mitaka and the train to Shinjuku, then got a bit lost trying to find the hotel but managed to arrive about a minute before the event was scheduled to begin. Yamoto(Yamato?)-san told me my new haircut was かっこいい [kakkoii] (cool); Ueno-san (with whom I ordinarily correspond) was surprised and pleased to hear me chat in Japanese, even with the other fellows who spoke English. The whole event was quite cute. Ueno-san and the other office staff sang "Silent Night" and "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" while playing ukuleles. Some of the words were wrong, but it was cute. We even played Bingo. ^_^ The food was *amazing* - raw, cold meats (I never knew it could be so tasty), o-sushi, hot dishes of various sorts - I wish I'd eaten more, but I filled up quite quickly, possibly because I was so nervous and tired. I did alright chatting in Japanese. It was the speeches and presentations I had real trouble with. I tried quite earnestly in the beginning, but after no success, would eventually zone out. Very dismaying to be the only one in the room not understanding/laughing at the jokes. :-( And by the end I was fairly mentally exhausted.
I also met another fellow, also from America, who is studying not only Japanese film, but also Anime from the 50s and 60s. So, since I was interested in hearing about his work and he was interested in hearing about my *ahem* plans, after the party we went to a coffeeshop to talk. He was actually rather helpful, suggesting places I need to go and things I need to do, and I hope to get more information from him about programs and advisors in the near future (as I need to make my plans for next year as soon as possible). But on the whole it was a pretty depressing experience because there's so much I don't know and have yet to do... I couldn't even intelligently express what I wanted to him. I just felt so... useless.

We parted at Shinjuku station, and I walked up the stairs to buy my ticket. As I was turning from the ticket machines toward the ticket gate to enter the station, I was practically attacked by two little old Japanese women. Their excitement plain on their faces, they asked what my home country was. I don't know why I'm still surprised by questions like this. I dealt with them often enough in America, and I should have expected Japan, famous for its "Us/Them" mentality and not a little xenophobia, to be even worse about it. Anyway, I of course told them that I was from America, but... when I do this, I always feel like I'm breaking their hearts, so I follow it up with "but my parents went to America from India 30 years ago." The woman who did most of the talking spoke rather quickly, so I had trouble catching it all, but I think she said something along the lines of "When we saw you we thought 'what a fantastically pretty person! I wonder where she's from' and we just had to ask." So at least I got a compliment out of it. They then, if I'm not mistaken, invited me to their church to pray. I have no idea where this came from, and I'm sure we misunderstood each other a bit. In the end I told them today (Saturday) was bad for me, maybe next time, and escaped as fast as I could. I really couldn't understand it. If they weren't inviting me to their church, why were they telling me about it? If they were inviting me, why were they inviting me? Did they think that I, being Indian, clearly needed saving? Or did they hope to bring me as a show-and-tell item? Or were they simply being "good Christians" or even, God forbid, nice people by inviting a complete stranger into some personal aspect of their lives?

I got home around 5 or 6, quite exhausted, and fell asleep around 7 or 8, planning to wake up in a couple hours and start homework.
I woke up at 4am. heh.

活動写真弁士

Today I sat in the first session of the Pop Culture class. Professor Bourdaghs is from UCLA, and so far he seems good - like he actually expects something of us. A couple people came to the class and left thinking it would be too much work because *gasp* we have to talk in class, submit two reading responses, and write a 12-15 page research paper. I do think it will be a lot for me because I'm in Intensive Japanese (mainly because there will be readings to do), but if I were on a normal schedule, I wouldn't think it at all unreasonable. I'm already really excited about it. Today we watched clips from two early postwar Kurosawa films - One Wonderful Sunday and Drunken Angel - and next week Susan Napier, author of one of the most important recent works on anime, from everyone's favourite team, I mean, school will guest lecture on Sayonara and, more specifically, Hollywood's portrayal of Japanese women. Furthermore, I figure the final paper will be a good start for the report I have to submit to the ITO Foundation next September.

But the main reason I'm blogging right now is because, before watching the clips, Prof Bourdaghs gave us a very cursory summary of the development of prewar popular culture in Japan, which of course included silent films. Maybe some of you already know this, but back then in Japan (and they now know elsewhere in Asia and even Africa) they had something referred to as 弁士 [benshi] or 活弁 [katsuben], from 活動写真弁士 [katsudoushashinbenshi] (moving picture orator), which was a performer who stood on stage beside the movie screen narrating or commenting on the silent film as it played. The performers became stars in their own right of course, and they had a lot of power in the theater - they could insist that the projector be slowed down or sped up or stopped altogether; when the subtitles weren't translated, they could make up their own stories; etc. In Korea, which was a Japanese colony at the time, 活弁 were Korean of course, and could therefore say anything they liked about the Japanese (the Japanese government could censor movies, but they couldn't *really* control what people said), so often a Japanese police officer would sit in the theater, in case he needed to "interrupt."
Obviously, when talkies came on the scene, 活弁 were doomed, but... something rather like them still exists, doesn't it?

On receiving a haircut in Japan

So I made an appointment for 5, because I wasn't exactly sure how soon I could get to Harajuku (not to mention find the place again without getting lost) after class. I asked for Oono-san again, as I'd been pretty happy with how things went last time and he was nice too of course. When I called and told them I was Datta-Barua, the woman on the other end said, "Oh! Datta-Barua Indrany-san?" I felt special to be in their computer system, as if it affirmed that I "belonged" somehow. (Of course, it feels a lot less warm and fuzzy when you consider that I only "belong" as another supporter of the local economy.) I got there around 4:15 but was afraid that being too early might seem ridiculous, so I wandered further down the street for about 15 minutes.

In the past, the overtly fashion-conscious teenagers and ridiculously expensive-looking window displays amused me, but today for some reason, it was all just really sad. Every storefront looked the same, and kids walked in groups of two or three dressed EXACTLY alike. I'm NOT lying; I almost wish I were. First, in the station were three girls, each wearing a minidress with a double-layered ruffled skirt and fitted fur jacket with knee-high boots and having the same hairstyle... but in different colours. And then, outside Peek-A-Boo (the hair salon), I saw two girls wearing IDENTICAL skirts with denim jackets and black cowboy boots. Good grief. I remember in middle school how horrific the possibility of coming to school dressed like someone else was. Yes, of course, that was middle school, and the pressure to always be "different" and "an individual" probably has as many negative effects in America as the pressure to "fit in" has in Japan, but I think I find the former preferable. For example, that time I went to Harajuku with Maria and Phil, I made some comment about groups of girls who were dressed alike, and Maria said two things. 1) They might be going to a concert, where, if a big group dressed alike, they might get the band's (or other people's?) attention. 2) They might just trying to pick up guys. There are circumstances in which the first is understandable/acceptable to me, but the second... Why would you want to pick up guys by looking exactly like the people you're with? That makes no sense to me. If someone approaches you in that case, how would you ever know he was actually approaching *you*?

Anyway, so I walked into Peek-A-Boo around 4:30/40, and they immediately handed me a robe. I guess Oono-san hadn't had any other appointments and had just been waiting for me. I felt bad about that, but nothing to do about it now. I changed into the robe - I always worry about wearing it "incorrectly" (i.e. I think men close it one way and women the other) but oh well - and they took my bag and jacket. Oono-san washed my hair himself this time. I don't think I mentioned before how the hair washing also includes a head massage. The whole thing is *really* nice, and so as I lay there watching people walk by, my mind wandered from "Why are most hair stylists male?" to "Wow. This feels good," to "I imagine Japanese hair stylists make good lovers." (I apologize if you don't want to think about me thinking about that, but I promise neither the massage nor my thoughts were dirty in any way.) I don't mean that Oono-san was particularly skillful or anything (I was actually kind of tense about the whole thing - after all, a strange man was massaging my scalp), but... he was so gentle and careful that I imagine/hope that the way in which he treats someone he knows and cares about must be extraordinary.

After towel-drying my hair, I was led to a seat at the mirror. Oono-san brought me some magazines. My first time there, I hadn't really known what to do with them, but this time I saw all the women around me were reading while their hair was being cut/dyed/etc, so I opened one at first. But you know how I'm interested in hair-cutting, so I soon gave up and asked Oono-san if it was okay if I watched. (I'd watched the first time, but it hadn't occurred to me then that it might be unusual or even rude.) Of course he said it was fine. In my case, there was nothing particularly strange about the event. Growing up I'd always watched Thewy work in silence, but since then I'd seen other girls with their stylists. They're kind of like bartenders or manicurists, right? They gossip and chat and advise and are quite chummy with their patrons... in America. Here, the customer reads a magazine and mostly ignores the stylist. That's how most shops work - the customer is the "honoured guest" (literal translation of the word for "customer") and the workers quietly (for the most part) and humbly serve them. Is Peek-A-Boo standard that way? Do the magazines serve to separate the customer from the stylist, as in a shop where the service offered is less intrusive? Or... are they maybe just reading magazines... because most people aren't interested in watching someone cut and/or colour their hair?



Anyway, back to my haircut. Again, I'd told him anything was fine (though I keep saying I don't want it all off my neck as it gets colder), so I watched him first part my hair and then proceed to cut me bangs and so on. I knew my hair had gotten significantly longer, but... I hadn't realized there was *that* much hair to cut off. I was covered in clippings by the time he finished. There was a point at which I was really dismayed with how things were going, but I think in the end it turned out fine. My favourite part, actually, is the back. Too bad that's the part I can't ordinarily see. ><

When I stood and we walked back to the reception area so I could change and pay, I was surprised to notice that Oono-san is probably half a head shorter than me. He wasn't the first male I'd met who was so much shorter than me of course, but... maybe because (in my mind) he'd been doing me a favour and was clearly my elder (though possibly not by much) and I felt indebted and grateful, physically looking down at him felt very very wrong. I had to fight the urge to bow my head. Though it would have been out of a sense of gratitude, I was afraid it would seem as if I were drawing attention to the fact that he was shorter than me... though now that I think about it, it probably would not have been strange for a Japanese woman to walk like that next to him. Oh everything's so complicated.

Speaking of which, this lesson's reading in Japanese class is about making assumptions about other cultures. Of course when Sensei asked each of us what we thought about the reading, the overwhelming response (as usual) was "It was interesting." One girl said it was boring because, to her, it's common sense. To her I wanted to say, "and yet it's still a problem." In fact, that's sort of what I found most interesting. Why were we, the gaijin in Japan experiencing firsthand (if, in the case of some, for the first time) being the object of generalization and bias, reading this little article? One other girl said she could relate, because she's noticed that, in Japan if she (a gaijin) eats while walking (for example), people look at her like she's strange or rude, but if a Japanese kid does it, no one says or does anything. This is kind of related to my robe problem, among others. For example, I hate that my new American jacket zips the "female" way. It's stupid and confusing. But if I were to complain about such a thing here or intentionally tie my robe "incorrectly" out of principle... is it worth the battle? I'm already conspicuous enough, and don't I just make myself *more* unapproachable by, well... by being myself?

ただいま！

I'm back! Classes start tomorrow. The new book is massive, as are the new kanji packets, and the type is smaller too. Phil is glad he isn't taking any other classes. I still have to choose my other class.

It's weird to be back and yet so natural. I slipped right into it - the Japanese, the Kirin tea, the onigiri. My apartment looks like it did just fine without me... though I have spotted one bug. I'm not sure if it's a roach. If so, at least it's not as big as the last one. Haven't decided just how worried about it to get... though I think that's partly just because I'm rather out of it right now.

I already had a phone email from Hideto welcoming me home (of course) and (more importantly) telling me that from tomorrow we have to work hard because the Melody Union Live is fast approaching. Woot.

I think I'll try to worry about just one thing at a time for now.

The Ripe Old Age of 22

I used to think that I looked 16 when I was 11 (largely thanks to my being one of the prominent faces of the Asian-American Festival in the Houston Chronicle that year) and that I've looked the same (i.e. ~16) ever since. Apparently that was wishful thinking on my part.

Today, while shopping with my mother, a woman (fellow shopper) in the store stopped me.
Her: Excuse me...
Me: Yes?
Her: Do you work here?
Me: [mildly surprised (as I was wearing a Labyrinth t-shirt and no name tag)] Oh, no. I'm sorry. [turn to continue on my way]
Her: Oh, well... do you have children? I'm shopping for a 13 yr old, and I'm not sure what size to get...
Me: [stunned pause (I'm sure the shock showed on my face, maybe there was even nervous laughter)] Umm, no. I don't. Sorry. [run away]

So combine this (where not only is it suggested that I have children but that one of them might be AS OLD AS 13) with the time on the plane when all the flight attendants thought the boy (I'd guess he was six or so) sitting next to me was my son, and it appears that I've become (in Fuji's words) "a 'MILF'at the ripe old age of 22."

It's as if my sister went a little overboard with Alice's DRINK ME bottle, and I had a bit too much of the EAT ME cake. *sigh*

In other news, I should be packing, but *surprise surprise* I'm not. Guess I'll do that now.....
Thank you, Everyone. I've had a lovely time.

I am Woman, see my waist

ta-dah!

Sorry I photograph so badly. If you can imagine, this was the best option of the pictures I took. *embarrassed* Anyway... There are lots of little sewing mistakes, which I will gladly share with you if you're interested, but for the most part I love it. I feel so... womanly. And it has pockets! Also, I really need a haircut.