Smiles A Lot

Yesterday morning (approximately 8:40am) on my way to school, I found myself behind a guy on his bike. He wore baggy, wide-legged jeans and an over-sized sweatshirt, slouched terribly, and smoked (yes, while riding his bike). I cringed when I saw him light up at the stoplight and then tried to wave the smoke out of my face as I rode behind him. But as disgusting as that was, and as obvious as it was that he was just "some punk kid," I couldn't take my eyes off him. In fact, if we'd stopped side-by-side at a stoplight, I might have found it very difficult to resist touching

his hair.
Silky blackness down to the middle of his back.
That's what I'm talking about.

I don't pay much attention to looks. I'm not really *attracted* to someone until I know them, and by then they can be any size or shape and it won't matter. So if ever asked by other girls what my "type" is or faced with the question by those silly girlie-quizzes and magazines that no one takes seriously but does for fun anyway, I was always at a loss. But I realized yesterday, riding my bike behind Stupid Gaki Smoker, I've always been a sucker for long, dark hair. Later in the day I saw another guy in the library with similar hair and couldn't take my eyes off him either. Maybe if more Japanese people just left their hair alone, didn't colour it or style it or cut it crazily, but just let it grow, I wouldn't find their notion of "attractive" so unattractive.

And you know whose fault I think it is?
His, specifically the second picture from the left, top row.
That's Nathan Lee Chasing Horse (also "Nathan Lee Chasing His Horse," "Nathan Chasing Horse" &c) and he played Smiles A Lot (the Lakota kid who had maybe 3 lines, attempted to steal Dunbar's horse, and then found Dunbar's diary) in Dances With Wolves. I finally saw the movie when I was 11, in Ms. Beaven's Texas History class, so by then he was actually 18 in real life, but in the movie I guess he's 13 or 14. Anyway, I liked the movie alot (though I hate Kevin Costner), and Nathan Lee Chasing Horse became my first and really only (I strayed for just a short while when I was 12) celebrity/movie star crush... except that he's not really a celebrity... or a movie star, seeing as how he's only been in 4 productions, two of which were made-for-tv and one of which was a miniseries. So basically any claim to fame he has is the picture mentioned above.

I think I read somewhere that he didn't act much because he wasn't interested in propagating the stereotypical noble savage/oral storyteller-shaman image of Native Americans. Instead I think he travels and speaks to promote the no-drugs-or-alcohol lifestyle he lives within Native American communities (which suffer from gambling, drugs, and alcoholism). Pretty cool, I think... if it's true. I'm not good enough at internet searching to really know anything about him.

So yeah, anyway. Long, dark hair. Two thumbs up.

History midterm 等

Today was the history midterm. I'll be honest. I didn't prepare much for it. I didn't go to class at all last week, got a copy of the study guide from Cannon, and used it to go through my notes and the book yesterday afternoon/evening. (The book sucks. Like one whole sentence on the Heiji War? Not very helpful.) In any case, I think I killed it. *knock on wood* On the exam he gave us five identifications, of which we got to choose three. I wrote about half a page for each (10 points each). Then he gave us two essay questions (from the four on the study guide) and we chose one to write about (70 points, I wrote about two pages). I probably could have written more, but people were trickling out of the room, and I was afraid I was running out of time... turned out I had another 30/40 minutes. Whatever. I'm not worried. When he passed out the test, someone was like "I thought you were going to give us all four essay questions, and we could choose one to write on." How easy do students expect it to be? I mean, I already feel like things are made easy here (take the quiz/test system in religion, in which we have a period of a few days in which to take each of 6 quizzes as many times as we want for no grade and then all the questions on the final test are drawn directly from the quizzes), do we really need to ask for *more*? Man, I remember studying for exams in college, spending days locked in my room with my notes spread all over the floor, panicking at the prospect of *gasp* essay questions... The Japanese education system is messed up. ICU is one of the more rigorous universities here. Its students are considered studious and actually interested in academics. I can only wonder what classes at other schools must be like. But can you blame them? They're pushed from childhood to excel and graduate from top school to top school, put through "examination hell" in order to get into one of the "top" (i.e. famous) universities, and after graduation they join the daily grind of routine overtime and company socializing. If college is "the best time of your life" in America, Japan makes it "the only time you have to enjoy life."

Today in Reading after retaking the placement test we took in the fall (in order to gauge how much we'd actually learned over the year), we did some speed reading. One of the stories was about this girl whose friend seemed to have the perfect, closeknit family to go with her perfect appearance and perfect life. Meanwhile the narrator's father didn't even buy anything for her mom or say "Happy Birthday" on her mom's birthday. Turns out that Perfect Friend's parents are divorced and Narrator's father buys a melon (expensive and delicious luxury fruit) for his wife every year on her older daughter's birthday because the daughter's birth 20-some years ago was very difficult and dangerous and he'd brought her melon then to cheer her up and promised to buy her melon every year afterward if she would get better. Cute and sweet, right? Yes, but... My classmates were like, "Japanese family relationships are messed up." "Dads work too long and don't know how to communicate with their children." "It's a societal problem that needs to be corrected in the workplace." Ninomiya-sensei was like, "Yes yes! Will you please tell the companies that?"

Truly outrageous!

Which Character from Jem and the Holograms Are You?

Congradulations you are Aja!
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

I did not love

The Da Vinci Code
I stayed up 'til 10am reading it (yes, missed class). I'd read a couple chapters right after buying it yesterday afternoon, but I didn't pick it up again 'til about midnight/1am. Why did I insist on reading it in one sitting if I didn't love it? *shrugs* I just like doing that sometimes. Especially if the story is supposed to take in some unbroken block of time like this one, doesn't it make more sense to read it all at once?
Anyway, why didn't I love it? Mainly I just don't like the way Dan Brown writes. I was expecting this really, not only exciting, but also beautiful, moving piece of work and... well it's just another pop thriller. I don't know why I was expecting otherwise, really, but then I guess I don't often read pop fiction. (The exception being Harry Potter of course, which I finally tried on Richa's recommendation and enjoyed... which is why I thought I'd give Da Vinci Code, which she also loved, a try.) I didn't need poetry but he really lacked subtlety. To hint at some "dark secret" page after page without saying anything about it seems like such a contrived, overt device to create the phenomenon of "a page-turner." And then there were just some lines that I had to roll my eyes at. I think these devices would have been more allowable in a "fantasy" story, but in this they just seemed sooooo stupid. Besides the lame, not-so-elegant writing style... I got annoyed by the riddles, because fairly often *I* solved them several pages before the "brilliant cryptologist or symbologist" did. And then I tired of exposition on the Grail because I'd already heard the stories/legends in college (mostly from Darren).
It was fun though, if only because I had the opportunity to stay up all night reading again and because I knew some of the landmarks and theories. And it was definitely necessary for my "education" as a well-informed, pop culturally-literate consumer.

Taking the Long Way, Dixie Chicks (2006)
A weak follow-up to Home. Don't know if anything of theirs will ever measure up to that for me. There are couple cute jam/sing-along songs, but nothing that jumps out at me as a hit. "Lullaby" is probably my favourite, although it's very repetitive. Still its simplicity is part of its charm. Oh and the lyrics. Could we be any more obvious? I prefer a little mystery and elegance. Then again, they're not afraid to say it straight, so that's cool too I guess. Can't decide if this is better than their first albums though... It's less "poppy," but it's also less catchy. Though I have been listening to it on repeat since I dl-ed it. I even posted a review on iTunes (my first). I thought they'd decided not to post it, but I just found it. And I must say... I am *amazed* by the number of people who gave it 5 stars. *shakes head* Well, maybe I'm not. Most people are not very discerning.

10,000 Days, Tool (2006)
Fuji called it an "album of last songs." Apt, I thought. If you look at their past stuff, there are always a few songs, normally near the end, that share this sort of background-y, rolling atmosphere. I like those songs, and I think they're a big part of a Tool album, but they're not the explosive tracks that define (or defined?) Tool. Anyway, this entire album has that kind of atmosphere, so I like it, but again, can admit it's not brilliant. The only tracks I can definitely say I like are the two Wings tracks (parts 1 and 2, about his mother Judith again). In any case, I'm glad I bought it, as I've listened to and enjoyed their stuff for so long, but never actually bought anything of theirs, so it was about time I contributed. (Bad person, bad fan, I know.)
Besides, I will never get over Maynard's voice and poetry.

On another note, my religion prof okay-ed my final paper topic, so I took the opportunity to order myself Escaflowne on DVD... for under $40 (from DVD Pacific)! Amazing. Unlike the previous three... I *do* love Escaflowne.

Do you know Crystal Kay?

So after class today, Ripley asked what my plan for dinner was. To be honest, I wasn't really hungry. After my voracious appetite last week, I haven't really been hungry for dinner all week. But I *could* eat of course, and I was all for giving her company, so... she was craving McDonald's fries.

I have not been in a McDonald's for years. At least since I graduated from high school, but likely even before that. I don't really remember the last time I was in one, and I haven't eaten the food much either. (My dad brought the breakfasts to my apartment every day while he was here, but the smell just made me sick to my stomach.) But well... why not? It'd be nice to dinner with Ripley if nothing else, and sometimes I did crave a burger...

We went to the McDonald's between campus and my apartment, on the corner of the big intersection 天文台北 [tenmondai kita]. There's a bench outside with a grinning Ronald sitting with his arms spread-eagle. Clearly a photo op - sit buddy-buddy with Ronald McDonald! Not surprisingly, I found it more creepy than tempting. We went in and both ordered Double Cheeseburger sets then took our food upstairs.

While we were sitting there, suddenly this pot-bellied, 30-something man in a green shirt with short hair and glasses comes bustling to our table.
"Nice to meet you! Nice to meet you!" he says.
Ripley immediately goes on defensive mode, plotting the quickest way to say bye and leave. I'm just weirded out and would like to ignore him and hope he goes away. But he squats down and sits on his heels by our table, his bag in front of him.
"I do surfing. Surfing? You know surfing? You know big waves."
"Oh, surfing, yeah," we say. (This is all in English.)
"Where are you from?"
Ripley looks at me like she clearly doesn't want to tell him, but finally says, "America."
And then he gestures to me, and I say "America also."
"Oh yeah! America! I've been there. You know Crystal Kay?"
"Crystal Kay?" I shake my head that I have no idea what he's talking about.
And he says, "You know, singer."
I still have no idea, but Ripley begins to nod.
"Yeah, I know her. We're friends." This meant nothing to me since I had no idea who Crystal Kay was (until I wikipedia-ed her just now).
Ripley just nods politely, and then the guy goes,
"Okay, well bye now!" and gets up and waves, repeating "bye now!" and takes the stairs down and out... we thought.

Several minutes later, I've finished my meal and Ripley has gone to the restroom. Suddenly out of nowhere, Greenshirt's back with three fruit-and-yogurt parfait thingies.
"Present!" he says, slamming two down on the table beside me. "Present for you!"
A jolt of surprise, and I automatically say, "A~ arigatou gozaimasu..."
He goes a couple tables down and starts eating his parfait. I don't touch the ones he set on our table and instead take my keitai (cell phone) out. I text Ripley: "He came bearing gifts."
When she returns from the bathroom, she doesn't look at him once, doesn't sit down, just says "Ready to go?"
I motion to the desserts, and she says "What do you want to do?"
"Throwing them away here seems rude, but..."
"Okay, so we'll just take them and throw them away elsewhere."
So we gather our stuff, throw out our trash, and leave without a word. If he'd caught our eye, we would have said goodbye but...

Ripley's default is "don't trust men," and I can't say I disapprove. I wasn't sure if he was just a socially awkward guy who wanted to practice English with gaijin, but when Ripley explained about Crystal Kay to me (some pick-up lines are universal, it seems)...
Oi.

So yeah. My first time back in McDonald's after I don't know how many years, and it involves a skeevy man thinking if he buys us presents we'll... what? And the thing is... I felt it. Ripley's better than me. She was like, "It was his choice to buy us dessert. Fine. Not our fault." But I felt *guilty* about it and like I owed him something (if only a little courtesy) in return... but it was totally selfish in nature! once I thought about it. Wasn't it?
Is it always? That makes me sad. (How will I ever know a real, honest-to-goodness random act of kindness when I see it?)

In a way, he wasn't that different from the Airport Cop, making me feel dirty, obligated. This conditioned response of mine really irks me, not only that it's automatic for me, but that they have that "power" over me. The only difference is Greenshirt was probably mostly harmless (outwardly a very stereotypical example of socially awkward otaku) and a bit pathetic (considering he left with his bag and came back and bought us dessert, which also alludes to the eroticization of youth here - "buy a kid candy and he'll be your best friend" apparently applies to young women as well), whereas Airport Cop was not. He had power, on top of being naturally imposing, and abused it.

Note: This kind of "Look! Gaijin!" reaction isn't out of the ordinary to me anymore... but for some reason I never expect it here in Mitaka. Because ICU and the American School in Japan are right here, I expect them to be "used to 'us'." But then Ripley pointed out that would make this place a magnet for people with a gaijin-fetish. Excerrent.

A good haul

So now that I've decided to return to the States this year (oh yeah, did I mention that?) this list of しなければならにこと (things I have to do) and the rate at which I have to do them has increased significantly. Today I began by purchasing books. After all I don't want to spend $10 on one tankoubon of manga in the states when I can get it here from Book-off for 100JPY! So I plan to stock up on some of that. Also I want to buy some novels and other books, just so I have something to practice/keep-up my Japanese.

Today I bought the first half of "Out" (I bought it in English last year for Ueda-sensei's class, and then I bought the second half - they split long novels into parts so they're easier to carry around - of the original Japanese, without realizing I'd only bought half when I arrived here) and the first volume of "Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou" (His and Hers Circumstances - the anime of which I already own and love). I also bought "Ai yori hayaku" ("Faster than love" I believe) which Eri recommended.

And I bought The Da Vinci Code... in English. I will probably spend tonight reading that. And then maybe if I'm brave enough I'll buy the Japanese translation. :-P No, actually, what I would *really* love is the Harry Potter series in Japanese. :-) Yeah, maybe I'll do that.

So what else do I want/need to buy? I started collecting the MARS series, which is a large part of why I applied for the ITO Fellowship. I also want the entire RG Veda series (CLAMP's first big work), which is how I got into CLAMP. And I'd like to have all of KareKano. Wouldn't mind Clover either, which my sister bought me the first book of but I have not read yet, but is one of CLAMP's best I believe. Other than that... I think I'd like to collect some Murakami Haruki, and maybe some classics like Tanizaki Jun'ichiro or Oe Kenzaburo. I read those in translation for Ueda-sensei's classes, but I don't really know how to branch out. Anyway, with such a long list... thank goodness for Book-off. :-) The only problem left is how to ship it all home. Heh.

Exciteen new developments

My hair is long enough to put in something like a ponytail.


My new shoes are quite sparkly and girly. Please note the bows, dangly thingies, and shiny studs on the heel. They're ridiculously awesome.

Well, hello.

Been a little while, eh? Apologies, Deepa. ^_~ So let's see, what has happened since my last post...?

Su 14 May I tried unsuccessfully to study for my Tuesday midterm and write the Intro of the final paper due in Writing class Wednesday.

M 15 May I gave up on the Intro (which I'd written about three sentences of) and finally buckled down for the midterm: grammar, kanji compound readings, and reading comprehension. Well, I sort of buckled down... not really... until about 10pm.

T 16 May was the midterm. It was really terrible. The kanji reading was easy enough. I'd memorized them all the night before and was unsure about maybe 5. I didn't think the grammar was particularly hard or unreasonable (though everyone else seemed to). What killed me, what killed *everyone* was the reading comprehension. First we were tested on three readings we'd done in class. Some of the questions we hadn't gone over in class, and we had to come up with answers in our own words, and the true or false was a pain. I'm just not quite up to the level of trick questions in Japanese. And then there was a reading we'd never seen before but had to answer questions about... 3 pages of questions! I had 15 minutes. I didn't even bother to read the thing, and I didn't finish all the questions. Stupid thing. After that I lunched with Ripley. We complained about the test and I got her advice on writing my Intro. As most of you know, I'm rewriting the final paper for my post-poop class in Japanese so I can submit a good Japanese version to the Foundation in September. It's giving me a lot of trouble because what I think flows in English doesn't seem to fit easily into the format Sato-sensei gave us. I went home to write it at a leisurely pace and finished at 4am on

W 17 May. After 4.5 hrs of sleep I went to school to print my Intro, went to class, handed it in, then Ripley and I spent the afternoon together. We met some other people during the lunch break (Actually, Hideto even called me and we met up and chatted for a bit... it was like his third time on campus this term. I sure hope he graduates.) and got into a discussion about John Stewart and the dismal state of American "news." After Christina and Hannah returned to class and we parted with Eri who had to go to a part-time job (and we gave her one of our umbrellas as hers had been stolen, or taken mistakenly), Ripley and I went to Gutara, a local ramen shop for lunch. I was *stuffed* because lunch comes with rice and meat, and the ramen is a lot as it is. After that we met up with Christina, stopped by apartment to drop off my bike, then took the bus to Chofu Eki where we had Kaiten Sushi, aka conveyor belt Sushi, for dinner. It was really really yummy and cheap. I wish I'd had more room. From Chofu we took the train to Fuchu for a 6:30pm showing of "Good Night and Good Luck." The movie was great, seemed so short. I really wish there had been more to it.

Th 18 May was a long painful day of class. Religion is even worse now because the prof has decided to make us spend the second hour of each class session in discussion groups. It is so hard to get Japanese students to talk... I think it's the combination of it being an English class and also that we just have such different takes on things. For instance our group brought up how religion serves as a moral guide in the Western countries represented, but there's nothing like that in Japan, so we didn't really know how to "discuss" it. I spent the other parts of the class reading a manga Ripley lent me about a school with its own host club. It's very bizarre and a little disturbing but fun nonetheless... like many things Japanese.

F 19 May I awoke with a start. I'd forgotten to turn my alarm on (though I'd set it) and was supposed to meet Ripley, Christina, and Eri in Shibuya at 11. So I hopped in the shower and high-tailed it out of here. I ended up being the first to arrive. :-P The first place we went was HMV. I'd been wanting to get the new Tool album, so Ripley and I had a chance to browse while we waited for the others to arrive. From there we went to an all-you-can-eat pasta and dessert place called "Sweets Paradise." The decor was great. *All* the customers were girls. We talked about names and growing up being teased about it, confused Eri (who is Japanese) to no end, and joked about Ganguro/Gyaru. Then, as we came out of the restaurant, we saw the most amazing gyaru I had ever seen. One had purple hair, the other orange, they had sickly tans and multiple facial piercings, and were wearing skirts much too tight and short for them. Ripley had her camera and wanted a picture, so I asked them if we could take a picture together and they turned me down flat. Eri guessed that they were from the country/visiting Tokyo because they had rolling suitcases with Disney characters on them. After that failure we headed to a game parlor where we played UFO (those machines with the claws that you try to grab a toy with and drop it into the hole). Ripley is really good at it. She won a SpongeBob for Eri, and then she and Christina managed to win four little Monokuro Boo keychains with only two tries. With our loot we went for PuriKura (little sticker pictures) then wandered back in the direction of 109 (aka "maru kyuu") for shopping. On the way, Eri asked to stop in a shoe store. But she didn't buy anything. Instead the rest of us did. I bought a cute pair of black heels. Well, they're not exactly "cute." I can't seem to break out of my "black sexy" thing no matter how hard I try. Oh well. If it ain't broke, right?

S 20 May I had dance class again. More successful than last Friday when I nearly fainted. My shoulder and neck still aren't perfect, but I got a good work out. Am learning a Jathiswaram in raga mallika, which I like. It seems so short and slow! :-P

Su 21 May There was dance class out in Ichikawa again, but going all the way out there for class and back takes up the entire day. I still have work to do, so I decided not to go. Today I've written my Religion prof about a paper topic, written the Foundation about the email I sent them two weeks ago, and started my statement for post-bacc applications. Now I will eat dinner and go to Phil's for a film. He hasn't seen "The Iron Giant" or "Hedwig and the Angry Inch" or a lot of my favourite movies, so maybe I'll make him do that.

Seasons of the grocery store

(When I'm sitting at my computer, trying very unsuccessfully to do work, there's suddenly a lot more to blog about than there has been for the past three days...)

Today I went to the grocery store. I had to; I was out of rice.

Cherry tomatoes (known here as "mini tomato") are available now, and man are they yummy. Last week I ate the whole 198JPY pack in one sitting, so this week I got a slightly larger pack (for the same price of 198JPY I think, the price of the smaller pack having gone down). I just ate 10 of them. I meant to stop at 5.

I also got some green beans. 198JPY for a fistful. Sad, isn't it? I really appreciate now what a pig I am at home when my mom puts a small mountain of them in front of me.

And I got a very small pack of okra (oh how I miss those big American bins of loose fruits and vegetables that you sort through and choose and take as much as you want of), which I don't prepare very well but figured I could handle for one meal. I don't know how my mother does it. I just can't get the seasoning and the consistency right. As often as not, it isn't just that they aren't as good as Mother's, it's that they're just not good. (Happy Mother's Day, by the way.)

Also picked up some bananas from the Philippines for breakfasts. There were some smaller ones from Taiwan as well, but they were more expensive. Go figure. My banana-taste can only distinguish two kinds of bananas. Those fat, squat, really awesome tasty ones people feed me in Assam that I for some reason call "man-eating bananas" and everything else. The Filipino ones will do for me.

I was doing kiwis (which are much cooler than the average banana) for breakfast the last two weeks, but last week's haul seemed to spoil a bit fast. I'm not really sure how ripe is too ripe for a kiwi, but the ones I had for breakfast this morning I ended up dissecting so much it was like starting with two kiwis and eating only one.

Oh! And mango is available now. Little yellow ones from the Philippines, and larger red ones (called "apple mango" apparently) from Mexico. I got really excited when I first saw them the other week. They don't really seem worth my money though, since most of the fruit is seed, but who knows. I may get a craving and cave. (I already pay ~300JPY for a pack of dried mango weekly so I guess I don't really have an excuse anyway.) And speaking of this fabulous fruit, check out the drool-inducing picture included with this article. Sorry, Deepa. ;-)

So yeah, I have food on the brain. I'm constantly hungry these days and eating more on a daily basis than I have all year (definitely more than I did when I arrived). Darren thinks it's because there isn't enough meat in my diet. I suppose that's possible. But then again, Darren eats only meat. :-P

Writing

So the aim of Advanced I Writing is to learn how to write academic papers. ICU's Japanese Language Program (and English Language Program for that matter) is intended to prepare students to participate in a bilingual academic forum. Maybe. I'm not entirely convinced really, because some of this stuff seems a bit fishy to me.

Citation, for instance. This is Ripley's biggest issue with the course right now. She's going to grad school (UC Davis, she finally decided) in East Asian Religion, and she knows what caliber of work has been required of her in the past and what she intends to do in the future. This means footnotes. I was an engineer and rarely wrote "real" papers in college. I never footnoted myself, but I have *some* idea of what good, readable academic writing should be like (and it includes footnotes). The Japanese system just seems too... messy. At least, what they're teaching us right now does. Starting sentences with the author's name before paraphrasing his conclusions? Interrupts the flow if you ask me. Does it become more... *academic* (or should I say *professional*) after undergrad? Then when do students learn that? In graduate school? That seems kind of late. Or will they be teaching us that in Advanced 2?

Also, they teach a sort of form in class. I guess that's to be expected. I learned the "5 paragraph essay" in public school in Texas after all, and it was all I really knew how to do until my Writing Seminar freshman year at Princeton. But then again, I also realized I was a terrible writer when I got to Princeton. Now I'm trying to fit the research and writing I did for post-poop last term into this structure Sato-sensei gave us, and I'm just sort of confused. I have to do it in this particular order? But what if it doesn't make logical sense to me? I mean, I feel like the paper just flows better if I order it like this...

Kind of wish I could just stick to writing "stories" (as the ITO Foundation called my Student Life report) in Japanese.

My mother would be proud... or horrified

Today Chris told me my hair was taking over the world.
I just laughed, but on the inside... on the inside I was ecstatic. Yes, my hair is pretty crazy, and I'm very amused and pleased with it. And yes, this blog entry is going to be entirely about my hair - the glory of this woman who is the glory of some man. Or something. It's important to me because it's like nothing I've ever done before.

The earliest haircut I remember was the one my mother gave my sister and me. It was chin-length with bangs that started from the middle of my head and were cut straight across the forehead. Sounds horrendous, right? We sort of pulled it off because our hair was perfectly straight (like our mother's). I remember a time when Ina Auntie babysat Tammy and me, and she tried to curl our hair for fun. After an hour of curling, mine fell right out. That straight.

At some point fairly early on (I've always been more vain than my sister), I decided beautiful hair was long and flowing and braided, like an Indian. I meant Native American as much as, if not more than, I meant East Indian, but in any case, I decided to grow my hair out. School pictures from first grade already show this. And then around 4th grade, I decided the bangs had to go as well. I was a pretty active kid in those days - playing chase and soccer and just generally running around at recess. Which always seemed to be right before school pictures, so I always looked a mess, exaggerated because I never did anything with my hair (except maybe a headband to keep the growing-out bangs out of my face). My mother often threatened to shave my head. She said it made her hot to look at me because my hair was always all over the place. *shrugs*

By fifth grade my hair was past my waist. I guess that doesn't mean too much since head-to-waist-distance at 10 years old is not equal to head-to-waist-distance at 22, but in my memory it was the longest my hair has ever been. It was thick and perfectly straight and glossy black and everything I had dreamed of playing dress up as an Indian Princess when I was 5. But I was going to middle school, and gosh darn it, middle school is *huge*! I was in double digits. I was practically grown up! And by golly I had to look the part.

So along with buying new clothes, including some really terrible dresses (for some reason I thought growing up and going to middle school meant being a *girl*), I decided to cut my hair. It was a momentous occasion. We took pictures before I headed off to the butcher (otherwise known as Fantastic Cuts), but I'm not sure where those pictures are anymore. Thui (I really don't know how to spell her name), who has permed my mother's and cut our family's hair for as long as I can remember, was quite surprised, but she did it. I had slightly-longer-than-shoulder-length hair for middle school. There was nothing special about it. It was the same all-one-length cut it had ever been, just shorter.

And wavier. Yup, all that weight came off and FOOOOF my dad's genes appeared out of nowhere. Oh yeah, he has curly hair. In fact he had an afro in the '70s, I kid you not. Well crap this was *not* what I had planned! I was supposed to look well-groomed and feminine, but I'd been the type to run around at recess and read books for *gasp* fun. I didn't know how to pick dresses or shave my legs properly let alone tame frizz! In any case, that girlie thing was pretty much out the door mid-way through 6th grade. It was the first (and pretty much only) time in my life that I hated my hair.

*And* I started dancing again. Oh that was good planning on my part. I needed long hair for dance, and then I went and cut off all my perfect, long Indian hair just before rejoining dance lessons. *shakes head* So I grew it out again, and man everything slows down as you get older, doesn't it?! It never got *past* my waist again, but by the time of my Arangetram at 16, it was good enough. And then, you think I would have learned the first time but no, I decided I'd grown it out long enough. As soon as my Arangetram was over... chop chop. I think it's a rite of passage actually. I know very few dancers at Anjali who *didn't* cut their hair drastically after their Arangetram.

At this point I got better about it. I didn't just leave it down... all the time. I learned different ways to braid and twist it. I especially loved putting it into lots and lots of little-bitty braids (which is how I wore it to my high school commencement). It took an hour to do that. :-) (And made my arms really tired.) At some point in college, it just stopped. Maybe it was the stress, but not only was I losing *lots* of it, it also wasn't growing at all, and what was there was dry and dead. Again, I've never really known what to do about that kind of thing. I suppose there are cremes and washes and whatnot to revitalize one's hair (or keep it healthy in the first place), but I knew only one method really.

I cut it off. Myself. Just a few inches at first. Until the summer after junior year, when in a moment of genius (or denial?) I cut it in two layers. I'm sure you all remember this. I could tie a ponytail in the back. From the front it "looked short," and in the back I had a tail. Oh man my mother *HATED* this haircut. My parents came to pick me up for the convention, and my mother didn't speak to me all day because of my haircut. *sheepish* Anyway, *that* little disaster went through various incarnations during senior year, culminating in a terrible terrible Pat Benatar-ish mullet. I'm a little embarrassed about it, but I did get a *huge* kick out of it. :-D (And Brett hung around through it, so I guess that says something good about him.)

Blah blah blah fast forward to two haircuts in Japan, getting rid of the tail, and now several months of growing it out. (It's a little blurry and I accidentally smudged my nose in the editting process, but the point of the picture is *the hair*) Ta-dah!!

You know, I can definitively say it is my best haircut ever. Not because it's attractive or "me" or anything like that... but because it makes everyone smile. Really. (You're smiling right now, right?) I kind of wish it could stay this way forever. ^_^

More on men

and ikigai (that which most makes life worth living). From Men and Masculinities in Contemporary Japan, Chapter 7:

A corporate executive in his fifties said:

For the past thirty years, my ikigai has been the companies I've worked for; they've been more important to me than my family. I don't expect much from my family; they don't expect me to be at home on weekends anymore. Yes, I can't say that I'm a family man. I have more human communication with the young girls (onna no ko) in my office than I do with my own daughters...

A high-school teacher in his fifties said:

Maybe Americans can separate business and private life, but I can't, and most Japanese can't. If you don't have business, you can't have any private life... In my house, my wife was like a widow; I was busy, even on Sundays, with my school clubs. So now, if I'm not home, everyone feels more relaxed!

There is an undercurrent of regret in these men's statements... Now that these men are close to retirement, they realize that they must surrender their ikigai of work; and this makes them feel considerable unease. None the less, these men expressed no doubt as to the wisdom and propriety of the gender division of ikigai, and neither did their wives... This pride is reflected in their harsh criticsm of younger Japanese men for not sharing the single-minded devotion to work...

As the company executive said,

There are fewer and fewer company men like me these days; there are many more 'my hom' types - these kind of people aren't at all happy if I tell them to come to the office on Sudnay! I've never said no to any of my job assignements - I was always there when they needed me. I like men who do that: manly man [sic] (otoko rashii otoko), like Western cowboys! Men living for their companies are better than those who live for their families; that's why Japan's developed! I get upset when I see a young man with dyed hair driving around in a fancy car with a pretty girl. Fifty years ago, people his age all died in the war; they didn't have the chance to enjoy their youth! I want to drag that young man out of his car and put a judo hold on him, teach him a lesson!

Purple velvet jackets

I got this book from the school library called Men and Masculinities in Comtemporary Japan. Sounds fascinating, right? I love this kind of stuff - the oppression of men blah blah blah - and sure there are just as many restrictions and gender expectations for men here (anywhere) as there are for women. This book aims to show how some men don't fit into (or consciously fight) that mold. They make it sound like it has a lot to do these days with Japan's economic slump, i.e. the salaryman thing doesn't work, we have to figure out how to be a new kind of man! Hooray for them, but

can we talk about the purple velvet jackets?
Chapter 3 is on Men's beauty work - its growing visibility and growing market. Yes, Japan takes metrosexual to whole new levels.
I, personally, do not find these kinds of men attractive. But then again, I don't find women who spend that amount of time and money on their appearance attractive either. I suppose there is some sort of aesthetic appeal... I can look at pictures of KimuTaku, member of SMAP and the example cited in the book as an ideal of masculine beauty, and say "Hmm, yeah, that's pretty," but attractive? Ew ew ew no. And it isn't just because I imagine his skin would be softer, smoother, and more hairless than mine.

When I went out to the movies with Ripley-san, we briefly talked about this (that's where the purple velvet jacket thing comes from). She's not a fan of it either. What does it say about men? And what does it say about the women who like these men? It seems like a big mess of capitalism and narcissism if you ask me. We're not liberating anyone this way. No, instead we're objectifying men the way we already do women. Why can't people just like themselves (and each other) the way they are? I believe in accepting and working with the features you already have, not getting plastic surgery to shave bone off your jawline or change the shape of your eyes. *shudders* Beauty work is not "expressing your individuality and uniqueness" if everyone is doing it. You have to find what's already unique about you and flaunt it.

And again, no wonder people here aren't making babies. Who has the time or money to spend on raising a child when they're too busy babying themselves?

Cinco cinco cinco de Mayo

I've been craving Mexican food all day. Weird, right? I never even *liked* it much growing up, and it's definitely not one of my favourites now, but I would kill for a quesadilla or enchilada or flauta or just some nice chips and salsa right now. Hmph.

On another note, the Tool album came out earlier this week. I can't find it in Japan and it's not available on iTunes (besides, I look forward to the album art). Guess I could order it online and have it delivered, but that seems silly. I'll just have to wait.
Meanwhile, the new Dixie Chicks album (out in the States 23 May) is available for pre-order on iTunes. I listened to two tracks on their myspace, and I'm not sure I like it as much as I did "Home." Still, I'm tempted to buy it. If nothing else, it's nice to see them explore and change and grow. I like when artists do that.

I have such weird tastes.

I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so.

Yesterday I went out to Ichikawa again for dance class. I think that's my favourite place for it. There are beginners there, so I can start right at the beginning - being scolded for not lifting my feet or sitting enough. Of course that also means I dance for three or four hours. I was very tired by the time I got home, but I'm not really that sore today - at least, considerably less sore than I was after my first two lessons (I ended up not going last Friday).

Anyway, dance class is always interesting, even if my mind was wandering a lot yesterday. I think I've improved a little, but it's still a struggle. And then there are the other things, not exactly related to the act of dancing itself...

At one point Sensei got up to work with us individually. She grabbed the student to my right by the chunni wrapped around her waist in order to show her how her center should be moving with the step. They repeated it a couple times, Sensei holding the student by her waist, then she came to me. My problem on this particular step is what she calls "promotion." Basically, to sum up all my problems, I don't accent anything enough. My actions are a little too loose, my center of gravity indistinct, and in this particular step, my body doesn't move all at once. The result is that the energy dissipates. I understand these things of course, in my head, but my body just won't do it. So she stood behind me and actually, physically *pushed* me, trying to get me to feel the way I should be "promoting" my entire body through space.
And then on one of the trips "back" (the step keeps returning to center), I came close to bumping into her. I suddenly had this horrible image of crashing into my tiny Sensei and sending her sprawling. I felt so huge and monstrous standing so close to her, unusually conscious of my monstrous thighs, my monstrous hips, my monstrous shoulders. Not monstrous in a bad way necessarily just... ridiculously large. Obviously what's ridiculous is that I should feel ridiculously large, but I suddenly found myself able to empathize with Stefanie and Aileen's positions (pun intended). It was really... illuminating to have that "glimpse" into their everyday. I know people here are small, but I normally don't consider them much different from my size, probably because no one ever gets as physically close as Sensei was. Whenever I re-realize how tall I am, I get so disoriented. I'm just so used to being the shorter side of average, I don't even think about it.

Later, after learning the first part (meartham? correct me, Deepa) of a Jathiswaram (raga mallika, mishram), Sensei asked what I knew about abhinaya (facial expressions). I think she asked if I knew a shabdam, but I didn't really understand her Japanese with the Indian terms mixed in (my brain doesn't know if it should be listening for Japanese or Telugu or English or what) so I said, "I don't understand," which I think she took to mean "I have no idea what you're talking about." So she made us sit down in a semi-circle in front of her and proceeded to explain to me the different aspects of dance. This was a little annoying, as I know things *that* basic, if not the theory or an actual shabdam (at least, I don't think I do), but I was able to endure because the whole thing was suddenly just *so funny* to me. Here I was, at a community gym in Tokyo, having Classical Indian dance explained to me in Japanese. Then we worked on this story about Krishna and she translated the Telugu song and explained the mudras in Japanese. I mean, of course she would use Japanese; it makes just as much sense as me learning from Rathna Auntie in English, but... On one hand I was impatient to say, "Yes, I know that gesture means 'time'" and "Yes, I know that means she has 'lotus eyes,'" but on the other I was just too amused. It was so surreal.

After we went over the first part of the story a couple times, hands only, she made each of us do it individually. She corrected each of the other student's expressions, explaining and re-explaining what they should be saying with their hands and faces. If I remember correctly, she didn't have much along those lines to say to me, just adjustments of hand positions and such. And then she said,
"We have stories like this too, here in Japan, but Indian culture, you know, it's very different from Japanese. When people think of India, they think of red and yellow and orange and green, bright colours. Japan is grey. Grey and black and white and brown. Supposedly, from 1 to 10, Japanese people will only say 1 through 5, and then say 'You know what I mean?' expecting you to guess the rest of it. But Indian culture is different, don't you think? Maybe American culture is more like Indian culture. You share your opinions and say what you really feel, right?"
And then she asked me what I thought about Japanese culture. I told her that before coming here, I'd even heard of the Japanese phenomenon of Honne and Tatemae. The other students laughed at that.
She smiled and continued, "So maybe for us, for people raised in this culture, it's harder for us to understand this dance, to make this leap and say things so plainly with our faces. It's something we have to work at and really struggle with on the inside before we can begin to do it on the outside."
Amazing that she was voicing, and somewhat answering, everything I'd wondered the first time I sat in a lesson at Ichikawa.
"You seem a little like that too," she said, referring to my shy reservedness. Umm, well yeah. I'm in a strange country among strange people. I have no idea what might offend people, and I don't want them to hate me and the country/people I represent.
I gave a little laugh and said, "I'm like this in India too. I don't know the language or what I should or shouldn't do. So I don't say anything." It's how I am in any new environment, not just "foreign." I try to understand what's going on around me first. Is that so bad? How could I explain that with my friends I'm silly and lazy and girly and touchy-feely. Why explain that?
"Ah yes. Language..." she repeated.

And then she asked something that didn't seem related at all,
"Indrany-san, what do you like about Japanese culture?"
Oh my god, for the life of me I had no idea what to say. Can you believe it? How terrible of me! When put on the spot like that, I couldn't think of one thing I genuinely, deep-down-inside *love* about Japanese culture (except maybe the food or arts, but I didn't think that's what she was looking for). So I fell back on my fail-safes,
"Everyone's so kind and polite, and they're always willing to help me." But in my mind I was thinking, "Yeah, and they constantly make assumptions about me and stare at me and have outdated ideas about feminine behaviour and beauty and..." Oh god I felt like such a horrible person.
They all sat expectantly, like I should say more, but I was at a loss. I really had absolutely *no idea* what to say. Should I have gone off into how I like that the trains are on time and the bus drivers wear gloves and the conbini are so convenient? Instead I said,
"Oh this is so embarrassing..."
The others laughed, and one student said, "That really is like a Japanese person, isn't it?"

So, adding to the time that Ueno-san asked "Are you Japanese?" as a compliment to my Japanese-speaking ability, this is the second time I've been called Japanese. No, no, wait. Third. Darren's mom called me Japanese when I saw her at the juggling show.

Oi. Not sure how I feel about this.

But I think this entry would be good for the next "Student Life Report" I have to submit to the Foundation (except maybe all the stuff about not being able to think of something I really love about Japan).

Oh no, you didn't

*speechless*

Shameless promotion

The first Underrated Podcast, starring everyone's favourite, The Head Set. :-D Listen listen listen!!

Decisions decisions

I just stopped by the landlady's house (a nice large-ish house situated in back of the apartment buildings, across the parking lot from the laundry shack) to pay rent for May. She checked my room number and then asked how long I planned to stay.
"Uh... I haven't really decided yet," I told her.
She then informed me that they would be knocking down my building and rebuilding it. "Everyone else is moving out, so I thought it was the perfect time to do it."
"When?" I asked.
July, maybe.

Oh, crap.

I'd better make up my mind and fast, eh?