It's official

Today I got my re-entry permit (it took *all day*... and it's a multiple re-entry permit, so I'd better do some more traveling before next September - I'm thinking Australia or Southeast Asia, what do you think?), so now that I'm all set, here is my itinerary for 秋休み [aki yasumi] (Fall Break):
Depart Tokyo 16 Nov 17:05
Arrive Houston 16 Nov 13:45 (Love the time travel)
Depart Houston 17 Nov 07:55
Arrive Newark 17 Nov 12:20
Depart Newark 21 Nov 18:35
Arrive Houston 21 Nov 21:22
Depart Houston 4 Dec 10:45
Arrive Tokyo 5 Dec 15:35

*whew* It's going to be pretty intense, but I'm really looking forward to it. While in New York/New Jersey, I should be able to see Darren, Brett, Julia, and Rebecca at least (don't know if I could handle much more honestly, so I'm sorry if we don't get to meet up!), and Fuji and I already have plans for 22 Nov (I'm trying really hard to find his birthday present, but it seems to be out of stock everywhere!). Other than that, I intend to do lots of "research" for the Sarai paper (assuming it's been approved by then), buy books for my own work, eat lots of homemade Indian food and pizza and burgers and Tex-Mex and Americanized Chinese food, and basically just be lazy. Hopefully I'll also see Stefanie and Joy, and maybe Lisa will even be home for Thanksgiving/her birthday, so maybe I can finally meet her fiancee Mike (oh, and hang out with Lisa too ^_~)!

And now two months of my 23-month fellowship are over. Crazy, huh? It's going by so fast! And I have yet to do any *real* work, though I am of course inhibited by my language skills. Ueda-sensei did affirm though that I need to concentrate on my reading and writing, so at least that is decided for 春学期 [haru gakki] (Spring Term). New plan on the table (I'm always coming up with new plans without finishing/fully-formulating any preexisting ones, aren't I?): enter a Master's program at a Japanese university next year, which would require finding funding for a third year here. (I'd been considering this before meeting her, but talking to Ueda-sensei reaffirmed that this would be a very wise move in the case that I continue with the grad school plan.)

So...
life here is always so interesting, and I don't just mean because it's Japan or whatnot. Today Phil and I went together to the Immigration Bureau and happened to meet Chris there. I was surprised, but Chris actually waited there until I finished, and then wandered a bit in Tachikawa with us. Normally Chris seems to prefer doing "crazy," "exciting" things by himself, whereas (as far as I can tell) Phil and I can be content with much smaller, "stupider" and quieter things. But in the end, he did end up leaving before/without us, not that Phil or I cared much one way or the other. Anyway, the point of me saying that "life here is always so interesting" is that, even in my class, almost *everyone* seems like such a character. I said this to Phil (after Chris left us, Phil and I grabbed a Bacon-Egg-Cheeseburger and Personal-Margherite (spelling?)-Pizza respectively at a fast food place called "First Kitchen"), and said that he and Emma (Swedish girl) were probably the main exceptions... but now I'm thinking about it, and I don't think that's true either. So, in the end, I don't think there's a single "normal" person in the class... no wait, maybe there's one. Anyway, being a people-watcher, it makes things interesting.

P.S. I eat *way* too much Pocky these days... but maybe it's okay today, since Dad did tell me to get myself some candy for
P.P.S. HAPPY HALLOWEEN! ^____^

Freak show

First off, Happy Halloween. Hope y'all have fun plans... and if you don't yet, go see The Head Set as The Police at Pianos and take LOTS OF PICTURES for me. ^____^ ありがとう！(I just figured out this week how to type in Japanese on my computer, and I *love* it.)

Today I met Ueda-sensei and her former students/friends from UIUC Nobuko-san and Mariko-san. Though I always feel a little unsure/awkward, being the youngest and most inexperienced and least literate, it was really nice to hang out with and chat with them. I was very interested/upset to learn what Sensei has been experiencing this year at Princeton, but I can't say I'm terribly surprised. Still, she's a very strong and confident woman, so I'm sure she'll be fine, even if it's a pain to deal with. It was interesting to learn that Nobuko-san (though "pure Japanese") and Hayashi-sensei (Ueda-sensei's husband) both rather dislike and can't really handle being in Japan for extended periods of time... though Japan/Japanese is what they study. Even Nobuko-san's language insecurities came up - apparently there are some words or spelling she just doesn't know (whereas Sensei, though a "returnee," does) and she is terrified at the prospect of presenting ("in Japanese?!!") at a workshop while here in Japan. It seems to me that doing such a thing would be necessary/expected for her, but Sensei had quite a time trying to convince her to do it. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, hearing department gossip and academic talk again (though I didn't know anyone they were talking about), complaining about my classes here to them, and getting to see them be themselves around each other (as Nobuko-san and I didn't really get to hang out at all the first time we met and I've never been quite sure of my transition from Ueda-sensei's undergrad to her catsitter to now I don't know what).

While waiting for them (I went super-early because I was terrified of getting lost and/or being late) I first wandered around a bit, scoping out some shopping areas in the hopes of finding likely places for presents for people (geez it's a good thing no one grades my blog-writing). Then I just settled down near the gate where we were supposed to meet. Now, Shinjuku Eki (station) is HUGE, in case you haven't heard, and Shinjuku is the business center of Tokyo, so there are a fair number of foreigners (tourists and businesspeople) wandering around. So I figured 1) foreigners are not such an oddity in Shinjuku and 2) even if one does consider a foreigner an oddity, Shinjuku is not the place to act on this reaction (as they freely do in Harajuku).
Boy, was I wrong.
I definitely caught at least THREE people STARING at me as they walked past. I mean like, they're walking along, minding their own business, eyes lazily scanning their surroundings in that typical Japanese-avoide eye contact-"I'm in my own space, and I don't mean to invade yours" way. Their eyes pass over me at first, but then! Their brain registers "whoa! that's one CRAZY-looking gaijin!" and then something clicks (to the extent that it's actually *visible* on their faces) and their eyes are locked onto my face for THE ENTIRE TIME IT TAKES TO PASS ME, which, when someone is staring at you so earnestly, feels like an ETERNITY.
And I get *so flustered* because I have no idea how I should react here. In America, if it's a scary-looking person (particularly a man who looks like he's just itching to say obscene things to any poor victim) I pretend I don't notice, otherwise I stare back and challenge them to keep on. But here... it's incredibly violating, somehow even more disturbing than in the States. I feel like a circus freak or something, and because I don't want to seem like any more of a freak, I *do nothing about it.* I just stand there and take it, because the normal etiquette is to not intrude on anyone else's psychological space, even though my own is being raped. ARRRRRGH!
I told Ueda-sensei & co. about this (though in more amused tones) and they were annoyed... also they were unsurprised that the perpetrators were middle-aged men. She knew she was stereotyping, but she said they're the same everywhere. I understand her main point is that many middle-aged men (perhaps particularly in Japan) have some sort of established social position (at least they think they do) that allows them to do this "kind" of thing, by which I mean victimizing some other, often in order to reaffirm their own status (which I think also has a lot to do with her various struggles in academia). Still, it's one thing to be looked at as a sexual object. I'm used to that. I can deal with that (most of the time). But... even growing up in white Humble, I don't think I've *ever* felt like a freak of nature before. It's really not cool.
I was really happy to hear Ueda-sensei firmly, angrily tell me not let "them" get away with it (even the stuff that happens in class).

*IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE*

Stand Alone Complex

So I borrowed the first two discs of Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex from Phil-kun a while back, but I just now got around to finishing the second disc. At first (even though breaking the story down into a tv series likely makes it more digestible/understandable) I was particularly attached to the movie (which is not related to Stand Alone Complex except that they're based on the same manga; Innocence, which I have not seen, is the sequel to the movie) - the pace, the action, the direction. But these last two episodes (Idolatry and The Privileged) have won me over. Obviously, all the same (and then some) philosophical/ethical questions are raised in the series as in the movie, but the series is able to humanize every one in a way the movie couldn't. And may I add that in general I find the "Tachikoma Days" clips at the end of each episode sort of gratuitous and silly and not particularly interesting, but... the one after The Privileged. Oh man. There was something brilliantly sick and disturbing about it. Anyway, if you're into anime, check the series out if you haven't yet.

Also, there is a manga convention in December that I'm planning to attend (tagging along with Phil and his friends from Leeds). Of course I want to cosplay, so... I'm taking suggestions. ^_^ Ideas so far:

• Kujaku, from RG Veda by CLAMP


• Murasaki, from Bakuen/Combustible Campus Guardress


• Murakumo (of course), from Blueseed by Yuzo Takada


• Alielle, from El-Hazard


• Anthy, from Revolutionary Girl Utena (which I haven't seen, recommended by Phil)


• Haruko Haruhara, from FLCL (who carries around a bass guitar with which she beats people; haven't seen this either, recommended by Fuji)


• some other one that Fuji recommended that I can't remember

Notice that all these characters have purplish hair. Completely unintentional.

Unrelated to anime,
my fingers are dying. ><; I had this problem when I was a child where I held my pencil too hard, and as a result I developed this weird callus on the middle finger of my right hand. Actually, it was originally on my ringer finger, I think, but at some point I was told (possibly by another child) that I held my pencil incorrectly, and so I switched to holding it between my index and middle, rather than middle and ring. Anyway, it doesn't matter. The thing is, whichever finger it was on, it didn't seem quite like a "callus" to me, not the way I have calluses on my feet from dancing or had on my fingertips from viola. No this was like... my finger was deformed. After so many years, my ring finger looks pretty normal, and then, after years of mostly computer-usage, I could pretend my middle finger looked normal too. In fact, I barely thought about it. But now... since I hand-write all my work in Japanese class, homework, kanji drills, etc, my fingers are starting to suffer again. I won't give you any gruesome details, but I had to switch from middle finger to ring finger last night while I was studying and today during the test. Good thing I abandoned my hand vanity while at Princeton (it's hard to be vain about bleeding hands).
Now it's actually a quite interesting development, considering it from the "ways that Japan is changing me inwardly *and* outwardly" perspective.

To clarify

Normally when trying to describe one's experiences with another culture, one has to worry about misrepresenting the "other," not oneself, but, just to make things from my last entry clear...
I do not make a point of acting in rude or overtly/stereotypical American ways. I removed my leg from my desk, precisely because I realized (due to Sensei suddenly looking in my direction) what I was doing. Sometimes it's too late, but, gee, aren't I allowed a slip every once in a while? And for the record, I think that was the first time I did that in Japanese class, because the atmosphere in Japanese class is very different from the atmosphere in Shoji class - where one professor is American and most of the students are foreigners and many of the ones who aren't have lived outside Japan at some time or other - so I try to be really careful about speaking politely (i.e. "masu" form instead of plain), not forgetting my trash, handing things to Sensei with two hands or standing up to take her my work instead of making her run across the classroom for it... my biggest mistake though (correct me if you've noticed something worse, Phil) I think is yesterday I ate something in class.
So, in short, I *do* recognize and try to accommodate the various cultural differences I encounter, but obviously, I'm not going to blog about my success, because that's just not interesting.

The test today was a little stressful, but it's over, so I'm not going to say anything more about it.
I just returned from the library, trying to find sources for the sarai article and the Shoji class project and whatever else. I actually found some interesting-looking books, in particular (what I think translates as) "In America, how has Japanese anime come to be seen/watched?" The cover has words like "Digimon" and "Yu-gi-oh" sprawled across it, and the first sentence is something like "After all, Spirited Away won an Academy Award..." so it looks promising. Unfortunately, I didn't have any protective plastic with me and it was drizzling, so I left everything I found in the library. Will return tomorrow, dattebayo!

And now, time to think about dinner...

Procrastinating

Third Big Test tomorrow. I am suddenly astounded by the rate at which we are covering material. We are halfway through our *second* book, and we only have two weeks left... in which we will finish the second book. As all the grammar on tomorrow's test is brand new for me, I'm a little nervous. So why am I blogging at a time like this? Because I'm a little nervous and thus reluctant to confront the task at hand. But don't worry, I won't be completely unprepared. I already reviewed the grammar and readings. I'm just taking a little break now.

I complain a lot (to Deepa in particular) about the quality of work/classes here, particularly people's lack of perception or, well, interest. Now, I don't consider myself very deepthinkful or perceptive but...
For example, in class the other day, the reading was about a survey done of 500 men and women working in companies in Tokyo and Oosaka concerning "waiting time" (i.e. how long they are willing to wait, how long before they get annoyed, etc). The conclusion was that, in general, women are more patient than men. Suzuki-sensei went around the room asking everyone to say something about the graphs, and, for the most part, people just read straight from it, like "people are willing to wait an hour for their significant other" or "men wait longer in such and such case." When she got to me, I pointed out that women in companies in Japan are almost always ranked lower than men and therefore are probably forced to wait more often and as a result are used to waiting, and, as they only surveyed company employees, it's likely the results aren't very representative. Suzuki-sensei then blinked at me, speechless for a moment, in that way she has when I make some sort of unexpected remark/observation and said "this is Indrany-san's analysis." (Another thing that pissed me off about that particular reading was that it never actually said how many men and how many women were "surveyed.")
What else? Oh, yeah, just... their *approach* to class. Today, after reading a not-so-interesting article about the difference between "ghosts" and "phantoms" in Japanese folklore during second period with Coumatsu-sensei, Suzuki-sensei came in for third period and asked us what we thought about the reading. As usual, everyone answered, "I thought it was interesting" and that was about it. I get really tired of this, so I said, "When I read it last night, I didn't think it was so interesting. But when Coumatsu-sensei comes in and talks with us, it always becomes interesting. For example, she told us the guy who wrote this has a funny hairstyle." I mean, come on people, class would be much more interesting (and useful) if we actually said interesting things.
Another time (and this has more to do with Japanese culture, I think), we were practicing an expression that means "doing ~ without doing ~." Everyone was making sentences like "I went to bed without turning out the light" or "I went to bed without taking out my contacts," so, just to liven things up, I said "I tried to jump out the window without opening it, so now I'm injured." Ezaki-sensei at first had *no idea* what I was talking about, and then, well... everyone else in class was laughing, but she just looked at me with that troubled look on her face (more troubled than her usual countenance, I mean) and said, "I don't think you can say that. That's a little strange." But the grammar was correct, as far as I can tell, so why can't I say it?

Because most of the time I can't tell if joking in class is okay or not. Somewhat near the beginning of the term, the first time we met Ninomiya-sensei, she told us (on "the downlow") that Suzuki-sensei was good at and liked drinking. Well, wouldn't you know, that day we practiced the expression "I heard from so-and-so that ~." So when Suzuki-sensei came in the next hour and asked "What did you hear from Ninomiya-sensei?" I just couldn't resist.
"I heard from Ninomiya-sensei that Suzuki-sensei likes sake," I said, with what I'm sure was a mischievous look on my face. My classmates were *shocked* ("You're going to get Ninomiya-sensei in trouble!") and Suzuki-sensei was quite surprised, but she recovered quickly enough. But since my classmates responded so negatively, I made sure to apologize to Suzuki-sensei after class for teasing her (she said it was okay and that it was true and not to worry about it, but I never know what to believe in Japan).
Ah~ culture clash. I can go out for drinks with Ueda-sensei, discuss juggling with Bob Dondero or Brian Kernighan, even be a *former* preceptor's groupie, but I tease my language teacher once, and I'm suddenly freaking out about being misunderstood and her having a bad opinion of me. It's an exciting experience, to have to deal with these issues, but it'd be nice to be able to relax with them... though of course the language barrier is a big part of the problem. After all, we haven't really learned *how* to joke in Japanese.

But while we're on the topic of Suzuki-sensei, I do feel a special connection with her. Even after the teasing incident, she once spent an hour after class helping me fill out forms for the ITO Foundation, and she helped me answer notices about my bank card and even called my bank for me to ask about it, and today in class... (this is kind of embarrassing) during last period we were reviewing for tomorrow's test, which meant we went through each lesson and asked questions. So at some point, she was in the middle of an answer (something like "however, in this other case...") and she looked *right at me* just as I was putting my leg on my desk.
Now, if you've never been in a class with actual desks with me, you won't understand what this means. I used to do it more in high school, but basically, I can only take so much sitting ladylike, 8:50am to 3pm everyday, so to stretch without leaving my seat, I sit with one leg lying flat across my desk - knee to one side, foot on the other - while the rest of my body remains upright. Okay, so it's hard to explain. The point is, even in America it looked strange and awkward. I don't do it *often* here, this was maybe only the second or third time this year, but because she looked at me right at the instant I was actively putting my leg on my desk while she was trying in earnest to explain something, I suddenly felt *really* self-conscious and quickly removed my leg from my desk. Suzuki-sensei promptly stopped midsentence,
with her jaw hanging open, cartoon-style,
and I said, having succeeded in doing exactly what I was trying to avoid doing, very embarrassed, "I'm so sorry." I may have even blushed. Suzuki-sensei took quite a while to recover, though I think what actually threw her off was my quick-foot-removal and not the actual foot-on-desk, and the people sitting next to me were like "What? What happened? What did you do?" as a result.
You suru ni [in short], Suzuki-sensei may not like me much or think I'm a very "good" or "nice" girl, but I hope I at least make her life more interesting. ^_^

Midlife crisis? No! Not *my* dad...

Yeah, right.
He went sky-diving (21 Oct) for his birthday (20 Oct). Major props, I say. I'm proud he did it, not only because my dad is cool for sky-diving, but also because he did something he wanted, for himself. Hmm, coincidentally, I think I was telling someone just the other day that, now that my sister and I are out of the house, it's his job to make my mom worry. Glad to see he's doing a thorough job of it. ^_~ (And Mother, if you're reading this, don't be mad. He's fine, that's why he went in tandem, and come on, life would be so much more boring if he weren't himself, admit it.)
Anyway, I'm not sure if this makes me feel better or worse about my ticking biological clock, which Fuji and I were discussing earlier today. >,< I hope when I have my midlife crisis that there is something equally cool with which to freak out my loved ones.

Feeling a little stressed

A list of all the things I have going on/coming up...

1. Third Big Test (Wednesday)


2. Sarai abstract (within the week)


3. Get a re-entry permit and a plane ticket (this week)


4. Shoji class project (pick up surveys Friday, outside reading and presentation for 4 Nov)


5. Hopefully meeting Ueda-sensei and Nobuko-san next weekend


6. Fourth Big Test and Final Exam two days in a row


7. Sarai paper (due 31 Dec)


8. Manga reading for ITO project


9. Literary theory/criticsm for ITO project


10. KoSoADo(ASoKo), the "band" with Chris, Stu, Hideto-san (learning covers, writing music/lyrics, rehearsing)

Thus why I have not followed up on Bharatnatyam dance lessons in Mitaka or, well, much of anything really. I've been pretty unsuccessful finding good, easy-to-understand (pseudo)academic sources on semiotics, body language, stereotypical attractive behaviour for the Shoji Class project. Today the library is closed, so I have to cut 250 pages into 500 separate surveys myself. And I need to really study and *learn* all the grammar and vocabulary of the last week and a half and practice my pronunciation. I need to find sources with which to write my share of the Sarai abstract, as a lot of the stuff I want to use is in Texas, where I won't be until after the abstract is due. Speaking of being in Texas, Fall is apparently *the* time to go to Kyoto, but I guess I'll have to put that off 'til next year... well, it's probably for the best, for the sake of the Sarai paper and because I could really use some Indian/Assamese food and pizza (though maybe not at the same time). And if Chris, Stu, Hideto, and I are really going to get this band thing off the ground, we need to write lyrics and rehearse regularly. Oh, and did I mention that I'm supposed to be doing the research that the ITO Foundation is paying me to do?!!!

Downsides to living alone

HAVING TO KILL THE (FLYING) ROACH(ES) BY MYSELF.
*shudders*

I hope I'm able to sleep tonight...
this puts a major damper on my enthusiasm for my floor-mattress bed.

Goodness (as in "the quality or state of being good")

So first of all, I need to declare, in case it wasn't clear, just *how* wonderful my friends are.
Today I received a present from Fuji via Amazon. He even went so far as to have them wrap it and attach a very sweet (*gasp* Fuji? Sweet?) personal note. The gift itself is Portishead, live at the Roseland, particularly meaningful because, not only do we both really like Portishead (and I don't know as much of their music or about them as Fuji thinks I should), but we also both miss New York. I've fallen in love with the "Undenied" track, not only because it's a beautiful song, but also because much of the video is just random shots of random people in New York.

So, completely unrelated, last week I was running short on time one night, and had to run home and eat a fast dinner before heading out again, so I finally gave in and tried one of these pre-made meals.


I think it was called a "Stew Burger." It was *very* strange, and not *that* tastey. Sort of like mediocre meatloaf, *shrugs* but I guess it did the job. Plus I get to post about it now. By the way, that sheen over the gravy on top of the burger is a little plastic sheet that I guess they use to keep the plastic lid that originally covered the dish from getting smeared with gravy. Somehow that seems very Japanese to me - multiple layers of wrapping, attention to what seem like nonessential details...

Also, I'm very proud of (and get a kick out of) this.


You know how because of movies and various stereotypes, the idea of a bachelor-pad includes messiness, partying, and pyramids of empty beer cans? Well this is my equivalent. ^_^ Yes, that's the "Mousse Milk Tea" I mentioned earlier. My plan right now is to accumulate enough to make an actual *pyramid* in three dimensions.

Oh, and how could I forget?
THE ASTROS ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!!

Empty orchestra

Friday after a long day of school, Phil and I went to a showing, hosted by the film club, of short films about 9/11 from around the world: Bosnia, Israel, Mexico, England, Japan, India, ... It was difficult because most of the movies were not in English and had Japanese subtitles. I tried really hard to read them, and I think I would have been moderately successful if I could just read faster. And a couple of the movies were pretty interesting. The one from Mexico was almost entirely sound. The screen was black while you heard different clips from the day: radio broadcasters, witnesses, even a woman on the plane who left (something like) this message on her family's answering machine: "Hi, Honey. I guess you're not there. Well, I just wanted to let you know I love you. We're having a little trouble on the plane, just a little trouble. But I'll see you soon. Just wanted to tell you I love you. I love you, Honey. Bye." Intermittently footage from New York would flash on the screen, mostly of people jumping from the towers. Pretty powerful stuff, especially since I'd never really seen/watched 9/11 footage. Another one I thought was really powerful was from America (Sean Penn). There was this old-ish man living alone in an apartment, only he doesn't act like he's alone. Every morning he wakes up before "her" alarm clock, washes his face and shaves, puts away the empty dress that was lying on the bed beside him, chooses a new one according to the season, lays it out neatly on the bed... The film is basically him going about his day in this apartment, eating, chatting with "her," reminiscing with "her" about their mutual acquaintances... There's a pot of flowers dying on the window sill. He tells "her" they need light to wake up, just like him. They should have taken that place in the country. Then one night he's asleep, the television is on, showing the WTC falling. From outside his apartment window, you see light begin to fill his room, you see the flowers on the windowsill miraculously perk up. The beam of light travels across the floor, up the bed, over his face. He blinks himself awake and sees the flowers blooming on the sill. He jumps out of bed and picks them and brings them back over to "her." "Look! Look!" he's shouting, "Your flowers!" Then suddenly he realizes he's talking to an empty dress. He grabs the cloth in his hand and pulls it to his face as he starts crying. "You should have been here to see this. You should have been here." We're taken outside the apartment window again. We can see him crying inside, the flowers in one hand. And the wall of his apartment building, to the left of his window, brightens with sunlight...
as the shadow of the second tower falls.

After that, Phil and I met Gordon (a kid from Georgetown) in Kichijoji. We ended up going to a Karaoke place, 2500JPY per person for two hours of karaoke and all you can drink. Isha (from Phil's and my Japanese class, who also comes from Georgetown) and her friend Wataru (from Virginia) met us there. It was pretty fun. Phil's really good, gets really into it, and even though Gordon had at first insisted he wouldn't be able to do it, he got pretty into it too! However, I don't know that I'll go again, unless it's with Phil, because... well, I first picked Madonna's Material Girl, thinking that it would be a good sing-along. But then when I started singing, Isha started exclaiming and "complaining" that I could actually sing, and she therefore wouldn't sing with me. *sigh*
Well, at least Phil told Chris and Stu that I can sing, and now there are plans for me to help them record this Wednesday in Kichijoji. We'll see how that goes... I'm kind of curious to see what they've written, seeing's how Stu (guitar) worships Pearl Jam and Chris (bass) likes Cursive.

Yesterday I wandered around Harajuku again with Phil and Maria-san. They're two very cute kids, though Maria-san is definitely a little too into the "cute" and "hot" whatever for me. It was kind of a pointless day. I didn't get the footage I intended for my Shoji Class project (about body language) because 1) it was a little too rainy 2) the camera was weird, the way it filmed (or didn't) the light 3) I didn't really have the balls to interview anyone and 4) when I did try to interview someone, they just ran away/ignored me. But some guy asked to take my picture again. *shakes head* So weird. And I enjoyed just being with Phil and Maria-san and observing them if nothing else (we also experienced a small earthquake, the first I'd noticed, though Maria-san said there'd been like 10 since school started). On the trip home, Phil and I talked about cosplaying at the manga/anime? convention in December and even stopped at Yuzawaya (I think that's what it's called) in Kichijoji to check out fabric (man, the place was *huge*)... I'm excited at the prospect; now I just have to pick a character. ^_^

War

Thursday during lunch I attended one of the many I-Week activities, a lecture titled "Can we Create a Multiethnic Convivial Society!?" given by a Zainichi Korean woman, Shin Sugok, who tours Japan, Korea, and America lecturing and advising. The lecture was, of course, in Japanese, but luckily they offered little headsets over which three different people traded off the task of simultaneous translation. It wasn't a perfect situation, but it didn't really matter. She was that good.

I was *really* surprised, not only that she was such a great speaker - passionate, charismatic, eloquent, humorous, unmerciful - but also that somone like her existed in Japan... someone who saw what was wrong with Japan and actually actively tried to do something about it. Of course she spoke a bit about the treatment of Zainichi Koreans and women in Japan, as she is both, but she didn't play favourites. "Human rights is a war," she said. She spoke about Khurdish refugees who were deported, the pressure (which she referred to as "psychological rape") that Princess Masako is under to produce an heir, Japanese in Iraq who are essentially sentenced to death by their government who won't lift a finger to bring them home, who blame *them* for making prisoners of themselves...

It was really quite powerful. I think, even if I had been able to understand the jokes, I wouldn't have been laughing much. Some of the saddest things were among her every day experiences. Shin-san tours and lectures at high schools, often elite all-boys schools (as they can afford her), and apparently the question asked most frequently by teenage boys is "How do you like Japan?" This is a question I am taught to answer in Japanese class... because I'm a foreigner, because when I meet new Japanese people and we have to make small talk, of course they're going to want know what I, as a visitor, think of Japan. But Shin-san was born and raised here. She's third generation. I don't even think she speaks Korean. And yet the Japanese put her in the same category as me. I know that few, if any, countries are like America in that anyone can become "American," not only legally but socially/mentally/culturally, but I find the situation here just ridiculous. Apparently Shin-san's politician friends have asked her why she's never run for any kind of office, and she has to point out to them that she can't even vote. Another thing I found really pathetic was a question asked by a student at the end. This student had lived in Europe for some time and returned to Japan, and she said something to the effect of "I hear politicians make derogatory comments about women all the time. Why don't they get fired?" After all the fuss over Summers' remarks last January, and he's *just* the president of a university, this is outrageous... or rather, it *should* be outrageous, but clearly it isn't.

But Shin-san didn't give us the luxury of feeling sorry for ourselves. We have a duty to be the solution, because we are part of the problem. Yes, even me. So far, every time I've been treated with ignorance, I've shrugged it off, even if it annoyed me. Japan isn't so diverse, they haven't met someone like me before, of course they're going to make assumptions, I'm only here for two years, they're conditioned to think a certain way... I made excuses. But hello! I'm *here* now, and I can be an experience for the people I encounter, I could (in a small way) be the beginning of the end of that ignorance. Besides, if I don't put up with that kind of crap in America, why should I put up with it here? Because I'm afraid of coming off as rude? Because I don't want to draw any more attention to myself? Because I'm afraid that, more often than not, they will respond badly? *shakes head* Shameful.

And while we're on the subject, I *need* to get this out there:
Perhaps you remember the young Assamese man who was shot and killed on 25 September in Texas. I have learned from my parents further details of how he died... they asked that I not spread it around but, truthfully, this is something that needs to be said. So if I'm sorry about anything, I'm sorry they don't think it should be shared.
Nitin had been dating a girl for a few months at the time of his death. She was Sikh, he was not, and apparently her father disapproved of this fact.
Yes, Nitin was shot by his girlfriend's father.
Why? Truthfully, it's unclear.
It was the weekend of Hurricane Rita. People all over Houston were in a panic after witnessing the destruction and terror caused by Katrina. The father has said he thought Nitin was an intruder. Perhaps the combination of paranoia and power outage sealed Nitin's fate (though my father's blog seems to imply that Nitin was shot in the front yard, so I'm having trouble believing it was *that* dark).
But is it possible that the hurricane was an excuse? Is it possible that (heaven forbid) it became an opportunity, if perhaps subconsciously? The fact that I can even ask these questions, that these suggestions have been flying around the Assamese community (not to mention the local Indian newspapers), makes sharing this story important.
If it truly was an accident, this man now likely faces stigma, suspicion, accusation, guilt, self-doubt, and probably the loss of his daughter's trust, all because of some stupid, unjust, illogical, and outdated opinion on his daughter's love-life. And if it wasn't just an accident... he faces all that and more *and* another young life has been lost to hate. It just goes to show that prejudice and injustice can not, must not be tolerated *before* the tragedy has a chance to happen.
Apparently Nitin's family isn't pressing charges, and honestly I doubt they could make much of a case, what with the hurricane and the very likely chance that Nitin's girlfriend is freaked out and confused (imagine losing your boyfriend, knowing your dad pulled the trigger, wondering if your dad did it on purpose, and thinking it was all your fault because by dating him you put your boyfriend in harm's way). That's another reason I think it's so important for me to post this and for people to talk and think about it. We would be doing Nitin (and other victims of every day prejudice) a great injustice if we just brushed it aside, let it be hushed up. That's not the way to change the world.

That's not the way to fight this war.

Wednesday, 12 October

A lot has happened, and I've just been too tired to blog it.

Wednesday was the Second Big Test. I think it went alright. There were some kanji I wasn't sure about, because I thought they were "reading only" kanji, but they were in the "writing" section of the test. So that threw me off. I did my best and got close on a couple, but no cigar. I wrote a fabulously long (for my Japanese) composition about the Taj Mahal. Composition-writing scares me when I think about it, but actually on this and the previous test, it actually came pretty easy for me. Maybe my Japanese is improving more than I thought; maybe I *will* be able to write those essays for the Foundation in Japanese! *hopeful* (Actually, when blogging or emailing, I often instinctively want to include Japanese expressions, but then I realize "my readers" probably wouldn't understand...) After the written part of the test, I had a little break before my interview/role-play test, so I went to the Ministop (convenience store) and paid off my gas and electricity bills. (Pretty cool idea to be able to pay at a convenience store. I take them my bill that has 3 different barcodes on it, they scan it, I pay, and we're done.) I then went back to school for the last part of the test (they go in order of ID number, so I'm always second-to-last). It went pretty well, I think! Studying the roleplays in the back of the book the night before definitely helped. I think even Sensei was surprised! And I was *so* happy to be done that I practically ran-danced out of her office. I hope I didn't seem rude. *blush* From there, I walked way way way down "the big street" (streets generally don't have names here, so I don't really know how to explain it except that it's the big divided highway-type street with all the big businesses on it) to "Donki" (short for Don Quixote... don't ask, I don't know). It was my first time at Donki though I'd heard lots about it... and yet, despite all the stories and descriptions, *nothing* prepared me for what it was actually like.

Donki is this smallish warehouse-type space with signs and stacks of all kinds of stuff sitting right out front... which is just a hint of what's inside. It's *overwhelming.* Piles and piles of *junk* in no particular order, brightly coloured signs and displays, several varieties of music playing all at once... Oh my god. Sensory overload. So easy to get lost. I finally found the sign for "jitensha" (bicycle) after asking someone, which led to a little outdoor lot with (you guessed it) bikes. Some of 'em were ~16000JPY, but I definitely didn't want to spend that much. I was kind of worried because Tad had just bought his bike there for about 12000JPY, which is what Phil/Chris/Stu had paid at Itouyokaado, even though I'd been told you could find cheaper bikes at Donki. I didn't want to pay as much as they had. Luckily there was a row of bikes all in the 8000JPY range, and some of them even had "backseats," a flat rack behind the seat where you can tie packages or carry a second passenger (dangerous, I'm sure, but everyone does it). The colour options were silver, baby blue, and (one) pink. Obviously, I took a silver one with a backseat (of the English blokes, only Chris's has a backseat). Not so maneuverable or stylish, heavy, and I'm way-out-of-practice, but Wow! What a difference a bike makes! From Donki I went straight to Seifu and did the grocery shopping I'd been putting off for a couple days. The trip back home was inifinitely improved. I'm glad I finally got one, especially since I'm considering staying in Osawa all two years (everyone commutes, so I figure it's no big deal, even if I transfer to ToDai), and it will really come in handy. It's weird though, the seat is a *little* too high, such that when sitting but stopped at a light, I can't put my feet flat on the ground. But when I'm riding, the seat seems way too low, in that my pedaling feet and knees feel cramped too close to my body. *shrugs* I'll get used to it I suppose. Otherwise the bikes here are awesome: a built-in lock with key, bell, basket, backseat (in some cases), kickstand with lock, kinetically powered headlight... India's over-crowded, polluted streets could take a cue from Japan.

After eating lunch at home (hand-made onigiri from Seifu, 100JPY each, and the best onigiri I've had yet), I headed back to school. Sensei spent half an hour explaining the new book and class format to us (we've just finished the equivalent of J3, and are now starting J4 with a new textbook - twice as many kanji each lesson, twice as many grammar points... oi). We then headed to the Taizan-so as a group. It's this compound of 100-some year-old buildings right in the middle of campus. We'd expected to take an English tour, but there were so many of us that they split us into two groups, and I took the Japanese tour... actually, we were all so exhausted from the test that no one wanted to do the Japanese tour, but oh well. I didn't understand everything our guide said, but it was interesting nonetheless... the buildings built in the traditional style, with sliding doors that open to include the grounds, really really beautiful, really low ceilings. Stepping onto the grounds was itself weird. Didn't feel like campus anymore, even the vegetation seemed more exotic.

After the tour, we sat in the main building chatting and drinking tea and eating rice cakes and biscuits (cookies). Then I headed home with Phil-kun and Stu. We sat on Phil-kun's mattress and watched Naruto together. Though they were on episode 50-something, and I had never seen Naruto before, I wanted to do *something* since the test was over, so I thought I'd give it a try. Well, we ended up watching 21 episodes. Yes, 21. Each one is probably about 20-25 minutes. You do the math, I don't want to think about it.
Naruto is this shonen (made for young boys) anime about a bumbling, loud, idiot of a kid named Naruto (whose body also happens to be the prison for the spirit of the Nine-tail Fox demon) training as a Ninja in order to become the best in his country. Obviously its focus is the fighting and spectacle (and occasional crude humour), so entire episodes are used solely for building up to a fight... and a fight itself (particularly if it involves Naruto) can take three episodes to complete. There's also lots of "Work hard and you can do it!" lessons thrown in, and an obnoxious amount of "girls are useless" rhetoric, backed up by female characters WHO ARE USELESS. It was really *really* frustrating, and certain episodes were clearly more shoddily-made than others, but we just couldn't stop watching because so *little* happens in a single episode that you have to keep going to feel like you've seen anything!

And now I should get ready for class...

Mainichi motto motto suki ni naru.

At the risk of admitting my vanity (as if regularly blogging didn't already demonstrate it), here's my new haircut on day 3, after a day running around in drizzle.


The title of this entry is "Every day I like it more and more." Hopefully you (*ahem* Ba) can see from this picture that they did more than cut off my "thikoni" [tail]. I was afraid that running around in the rain would make it curly and bad crazy, but luckily, it's good crazy. Daisuki [I like it a lot]. Emma-san (a Swedish girl in my class) and I had talked about where to go for a gaijin haircut last week or so, and today she saw mine and was quite impressed. Apparently she'd gone somewhere in Musashisakai (I don't know why, since we'd both agreed that a touristy area would probably be best) and was *very* disappointed by the results.
I can't believe I'm talking about this at length. What has Japan done to me? But while we're at it... Chris-san (one of the English kids) said he could see me going for a dye too, and the thing is, while I may never have gone for something "permanent" or drastic before, I'm suddenly very tempted. (The excuse for rampant dying here is that everyone has black hair so Japanese people are just trying to "undo" evolution by differentiating themselves artificially, so I wonder if mine subconsciously is the same since I also have black hair or if it's just that "I'm in Japan woo!") He seems to be experiencing similar strange urges too.* Maria-san (a half Japanese girl), after bowing and giving me multiple effusive "kawaii!!" [cute]s, invited me to go cosplay in Harajuku with her some weekend, and Hoyan-san (Korean girl in class) thought I'd gotten a perm, but no, thanks to Dad, the Datta-Barua daughters are lucky (?) enough to have hair that "swings both ways."

Speaking of Dad, this is too cute. He started a blog, and the address is "myoldmanriver," which I think is just great because, well... he's "my old man," and his name is that of a river. I don't know how much he'll be updating it, but he puts a lot of effort into everything he does, so I'm sure I'll be checking it out regularly. By the way, he has his annual 20K run this weekend. Go leave him a "good luck" comment.

*Chris was also wearing a Cursive t-shirt *and* Cursive sweatshirt today, and apparently he is their forum/message board moderator. He was very interested to hear that Brett went to school with their (former?) cellist. They have a concert in Tokyo next month. Should I go?

Oh and...
I have money! Went to the bank during the super-long lunch period (the schedule's all whack because of I-Week); paid rent. Tonight I have to study for my Second Big Test, but tomorrow I plan to buy a bike and pay my gas and electricity bills. So, despite my fitful night of sleep (poor Fuji, I was im-ing his phone at random hours all day/night because I was weirded out by my dreams) and the slight headache I have at the moment, I feel *really good.*

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

So after looking for Panorama at 6-5-2 Jingumae for, oh, two or three hours, I gave up and went to this place called Peek-a-Boo. It looked big enough and was exposed enough that I figured they must have some gaijin experience. Anyway, I went in and, amazingly, wasn't stumbling over my Japanese much, got a shampoo (felt really good) and cut and dry. The works (in my book, since I've never really done this before). Needless to say, Oono-san was a bit surprised by the state of my hair. There was a big debate about whether to cut it all off or not, but I finally said whatever he wanted to do was fine, as long as it didn't get poofy.

The experience was really great, I must say. Everyone was super-nice and patient with me, even though some of them were definitely surreptitiously staring at the weird-looking foreign girl... but I actually found that kind of cute. I enjoyed watching Oono-san work, since, as many of you know by now, I aspire to amateur haircutting/styling. By the time he was done brushing, blow-drying, and even applying some hair-wax, I had a tomboyish but feminine haircut that nicely framed my face and softened the severity of its square shape. I was very very pleased with it and told him so.

It's lost some of the volume and femininity in the two hours since I got it cut, but I still like it. Thing is, it actually doesn't look *that* different from what I did to myself before...
I don't know how many of you reading this saw my hair right after I cut it last December. Brett and I went out one night and ended up dancing the night away (that was the awesome night I had that battle with the very cute girl in La Caverna). Anyway, after the dancing episode, Brett said my hair reminded him of Pat Benatar.

I swear I didn't ask Oono-san to make me look like Pat Benatar.

Tea!

I thought all webpages brought up by googling "Datta-Barua" were references to my immediate family, but I just discovered the first one that isn't!

Speaking of tea, I've grown quite fond of a cold, canned vending machine variety called "Mousse Milk Tea." It's 120JPY a pop (a rather small pop), but I still buy it. Ah well...

I'm forcing myself out of my apartment today, despite not having much money. I'm going to go to Harajuku and try to find this hair salon called Panorama. It's way more money than I would ordinarily pay (seeing's how I've cut my own for the past year), but 1) I figure I've saved up by not paying for a haircut for a while and 2) I don't want to risk going to a place that has no experience with gaijin hair. And if you want to know why I'm not cutting it myself anymore 1) I already stick out enough as a gaijin, 2) I just can't reach the back and I've accepted that it looks bad, and 3) being around all these stylish people has actually made me self-conscious about my odd haircut. I'm a little ashamed to admit it, but... that's how it goes.
Hopefully Panorama accepts walk-ins. (And if it goes well, maybe I'll get my picture taken again, just like all the kids who get dressed up Sundays.)

No clever title

Yesterday in Shoji class we had Christopher Yohmei Blasdel, the professional Shakuhachi flautist/flutist, as a guest speaker. He also performed for us, which was very very cool. From the beginning I recognized its timbre. Something about the way it resonated within my body was familiar, made me think of dancing and the live music I'd performed with before, felt like "home." He played four pieces: a traditional, Zen meditation composition; a modern (only 25 or 30 yr old) through-composed piece; an improvisation to the crickets' singing that was coming through the classroom windows; and his own composition in the style of a 15th century Italian dance.

His book (which we were supposed to read in preparation for the class), while not brilliantly written (though to be fair, he originally wrote it in Japanese and had to translate it later), was quite interesting and definitely a source of inspiration, as he just sort of stumbled upon his life's work and has been quite successful and happy doing it. He also of course knows quite a lot about international music, Asian in particular, and the scene supporting it in Japan, so I asked if he knew of Bharat Natyam teachers in the area. Unsurprisingly he said "yes." I gave him my email address and, who knows, maybe I will take up lessons again... in Tokyo of all places.

I tried to discuss with him the second piece he played, how it began with a very "Asian" motif, so "Asian" that I thought perhaps it was influenced by Western interpretations/imitations of the "Asian" sound, but how its through-composed quality seemed to have even less pretensions of "Asian-ness," and 1) whether or not that was a concern for the growing movement to preserve/pass on traditional Japanese arts and 2) if "preserving" compositional style was even a concern or whether the interest was mainly in spreading and popularizing Asian instruments and techniques, as there was little chance to prevent "hybridization" in such a global scene. But I wasn't very successful... incredibly inarticulate and unable to properly formulate my questions. Anyway, he was interesting and very patient and willing to be engaged in discussion. I'm considering taking his Japanese ethnomusicology course next term, though I'm afraid it will be very crowded (after Abbate's way-too-crowded Romantic Music course, I'm hesitant to take a crowded music class).

Hmm... what else?

So I finally have money, but I don't have my bank card yet (I was apparently out when the bank people came by my apartment with it), so I can't withdraw from an ATM. And to make things worse, banks are only open M-F 9-15, so the soonest I could go in person is Monday (as it's a school holiday, and hopefully not a National holiday, as the bank will also be closed in that case). Very frustrating as it's a big hassle/burden to go shopping or go out with friends without a bike.

American Apparel is opening two stores in Tokyo, in Daikanyama and Shibuya. I first saw the job listing on tokyo.craigslist, so applied through there, then also applied online at their website. But I haven't heard anything back. :-( Very disappointing. I was hoping for a job in sales to improve my Japanese (as opposed to teaching English, which would be easy money but probably only put me in contact with a very narrow section of the population), plus I'm really interested to see how American Apparel will sell itself and its mission to Tokyo's materialistic, image-conscious, and infamously thoughtless youth.

This coming week at school is "I-Week." The "I" stand for "International," and I'm really curious to see what it's going to be about. There will be performances and lectures, including one or two on whether or not Japan is really international (I think I can answer that... no) and how it can become so. I think one of these lectures will actually be given by a Zainichi speaker, whose thoughts/experiences/opinions I would be really interested to hear, except that I don't think this particular lecture includes "stimulus translation" (I think the flyer's makers meant "simultaneous translation" when they chose this happy pair).

My blog entries are way too long, don't you think?

The Red Sox were swept out.
The Astros are still in it.
Tonight, Hurricanes at Islanders.

A day of disappointments (but I don't feel bummed)

The Islanders lost to the Sabres 6-4 in their season opener "last night." But Gothamist had some fun words about the Rangers ("...this season will be different in that they no longer have an astronomical payroll, but similar in that they are going to be bad"). Let's go Islanders.

So far so good for the Astros, but the Red Sox are 0 for 2 in their 5-game series with Chicago. While Tadahito Iguchi's three-run homer gives me something to talk about in Japanese class, I'd really rather see Boston defend their title... well.

Today in class for the last hour we watched and rewatched and listened and relistened to a real weather report from last month. It was the most depressing thing ever, because it was so incredibly difficult to follow/understand, even with the script right in front of me. And while I got very good marks for my "jikoshoukai" [self-introduction] on last week's test (I expect I got extra points under "omoshiroi" [interesting] by talking about juggling and going to Vegas for WJF), my pronunciation apparently sucks. Our Second Big Test is this coming Wednesday and includes keigo (honorific language), passive, and causative-passive. :-( Ganbaru ne.

On a more positive note, I think I have a "friend" here now: Philip-kun. (In case this wasn't already clear to readers.) I've been a little sick the past few days, so he stopped by yesterday evening to see how I was doing. It was really very sweet of him, and we just sat and chatted for a while. I talked to him about Matt's mom and missing friends and making the most of our time here. Talking about such things with someone I hardly know required conscious effort, but I've decided to take a more active role in making friends.

The thing is, with everything that's happened the past few weeks, with me being unable to physically be there for my friends or missing particular aspects of close relationships (like physical manifestations of trust or the superfluity of words), I'm almost reluctant to build strong relationships while I'm here... because I know in two years (or in Phil's case, one year) again we will be separated and necessarily lose a large part of what makes a good friendship really good.

But I know this is an unhealthy attitude to have. And besides, by now I've helped him make "hotcakes" and fed him his first unagi don and slept on his floor and borrowed his anime (it *is* nice to have someone to do things for and/or with), so the budding of our relationship has reached some level of irreversibility... Yet despite that, our mutual shyness continues to make getting past that "local maximum"/"activation energy threshold" into familiarity a bit time-consuming (at times, frustratingly so). Jaa... ganbaru yo. ^_~

More sad news

October 4th, 5am (Tokyo time) I received an email from my friend Matt (now a grad student at Berkeley) notifying me (and our other friends on the list) that his mother had passed away over the weekend.

I had heard only the week before that she was terminally ill with cancer (one of the many things that made last week so difficult), so, while I expected news of this eventually, I certainly didn't expect it so soon. I was hoping to get a chance to talk to Matt about her illness and how he was dealing with it, but now it's too late for that.

He forwarded an email from his dad, dated October 3rd (American time), saying that she passed away peacefully in her sleep and was never in any pain. For that small comfort, we can be thankful. But I hope Matt was among the loved ones surrounding her at the end. I hope nothing was left unsaid.

After seeing what Jae went through after his father's death, I can say with some conviction that honesty and openness in life are a small way that we can begin to deal with death.
I can also say, aware of the irony, that sometimes nothing can be said. I only hope a fair number of our friends are able to attend the funeral and offer their ears and arms to Matt for comfort. After this past year in particular, I really wish I could be there.

But I guess I knew when I left that I'd be missing out on a lot of things, good and bad. It never occurred to me, however, that I would be missing things like this, things where my physical presence might actually count for something. Stupid of me, really, considering how much I myself value the touch of a loved one. So hug your friends and family and have sleepovers and meteor-showers while you can...

I've dreamt about Matt and the funeral quite a bit since receiving his email. In my most memorable dream, we (73) were in the middle of a juggling show, when someone left the stage, and suddenly, while everyone (audience and performers) waited for him/her to return, the stage transformed into the Chapel chancel, only much *much* bigger, packed with pews stacked a dozen rows high. The audience streamed from their seats into the chancel pews, and we sat like sardines to listen to speakers and readers. A woman (in my dream, Matt's aunt) grabbed my hand and pressed it to her face in grief. My hand was soaked with tears, and I tried to rub her back to calm her but to no avail. There was something glorious about it, and with so many bodies vibrating so close together, the grief was palpable. I woke up hoping that the funeral Thursday morning is just as much an opportunity for release and as much a display of affection and love.

If you would like to contribute in some way, please make a donation to:
Susan G Komen Breast Cancer Foundation
P.O. Box 224523
Dallas, TX 75222

American Cancer Society
6800 Jericho Turnpike
Suite 200W
Syosset, NY 11791

Pay it forward

The most amazing thing just happened to me...

I was in the campus post office, trying to mail some things to my parents and my scholarship grantor. The total came to 190JPY, which is nothing, right? Well, of course, it turned out that I didn't have enough money. I'd left my big bills at home because I didn't want to carry so much money around, and then spent 320JPY buying the envelopes and some special composition paper for class (and another 240JPY earlier in the day on tea), and all I had left was 165JPY. (Ironically, I had just written in the letter to my parents that they didn't need to worry about my finances.) The woman was like "well, you could send just the letter to America," so, even though they were both important, I thought to do that.

Enter my saviour.
The young man behind me steps up and says, "How much does she need? 50JPY? I can pay it."

I was shocked.
And never have I been so frustrated with my language limitations. Finally, in English, I said, "I couldn't let you do that. It's very nice of you, but really, how would I ever pay you back?"
He said 50JPY was nothing, and all he asked was that I do the same if I ever saw someone else in trouble.
So I bowed and repeated "honto ni arigatou gozaimashita" [I'm really very grateful] over and over again. Yeah, maybe it was only 25-50JPY, but the gesture was... priceless. I waited to ask his name and thank him once more, and then I left in a state of dazed wonderment. I hope my face conveyed my gratitude and awe more than my words did.

More for me than for you

After this week, I've been a little homesick. There's being alone, there's feeling alone, and then there's being/feeling lonely. It's been more of the last, so here are the pictures I've been looking at most often:

From Ritu Ba's wedding. I like how you can clearly see who takes after whom, at least in facial structure.
A decent picture of the two of us, also from Ritu Ba's wedding.
How adorable is this? Those kids are terrors, but they sure took a shine to Dad.
At my graduation, displaying the matching necklaces I bought for her graduation (my half says 'Little Sister' and her says, you guessed it, 'Big Sister'... I know I know... cheese).
LOVE this picture.
The only picture I have of Fuji (though you can only see half his face) or else I wouldn't post it because it's the *gasp* haircut picture.

The weekend of the Carnegie Hall concert. It was really awesome for everyone to come out (clearly, I was quite happy about it). Wish I had a better picture of everyone though.
Same weekend. Tammy, Darren, and I were finally reunited.
I sure do miss this guy.
This guy too. (Not a recent picture, but my favourite of the few I have.)

Hard-boiled degree

In one of my less stellar moments this morning, I managed to burn my breakfast of...
hard-boiled eggs.
If you thought this wasn't possible, boy did I prove you wrong. They didn't taste *that* bad (actually, the yolk was worse than the white, which seemed counterintuitive to me since the yolk is on the umm inside), but the smell was *really* not cool. I am currently trying to air out the apartment. I guess it doesn't help that I had unagi last night, and that's pretty smelly already. Heh. Y'all must have a great impression of my apartment by now...

It's been quite a week... and was something of a weekend too. Now I have a book on Shakuhachi Flute to read by Monday (it's actually pretty interesting, the author is an American who first came to Japan on a study abroad; I wonder what it's like for Japanese readers), a short summary of this past Friday's presentation to write by this coming Friday, and my regular allotment of Japanese homework.

Since about 2 or 3 this morning, in one of my bouts of awoke-in-the-middle-of-the-night-and-couldn't-get-back-to-sleep, I began looking at graduate programs. I'm not really sure about how to start this search, so I went to phds.org and defined my own criteria. If you have a better method, I'm all ears. Anyway, I figure this ranking gives me a place to start at least. I've been reading through program descriptions and requirements and faculty profiles. I figure when I get back to campus, I can at least start looking up their stuff and reading from Jstor.

The big question though is what kind of program I actually want to join. Deepa thinks I'd probably be Anthro, but after reading online last night, I'm beginning to lean toward Comp Lit (hah! I remember the opinions I'd hear about this as a freshman, but poo on them). And then of course there's the obvious East Asian Studies/Languages & Literature. But on top of that decision there's also the scariness of it all. The po-mo and deconstructionism and such... Of course I want to know the stuff because I want to be familiar with all kinds of arguments, but I'm afraid of going to too po-mo a department for fear of being too heavily influenced. I'd like to retain *some* of my faculties of reasoning, thank you.